EXCELSIOR; 

OB, 

THE HEIE AP'PAEENT. 

SHOWING THE ADVENTUHES OF A PROMISING AND WEALTHT 
YOUNG MAN, AND HIS DEVOTED FKIENDS ; AND PRESENT- 
ING ENTWINED WITH THE VARYING STORY, 

THE KEY TO A 

. DIAMOND UNITED STATES, 

OR 

A VITALLY CONSOLIDATED REPUBLIC, 

A PEKFECT UNION, OTHERWISE KINGDOM OP HEAVEN. 

LIKEWISE GIVING, IN PICTURESQUE DRAMATIC DIALOGUE, 
IHE NOTORIOUS ACTIONS AND SECRET LIVES OF TWO CELEBRATED DIC- 
TATORS OF PARTY, AND LEADERS IN POLITfCAL CONVENTIONS. 

THE WHOLE EMBODIED IN 

A THRILLING AND EXQUISITE POETICAL EOMANCE. 



BY ALEXANDER LOOKUP, 

Author of " Italy Free." 



NEW-YORK & LONDON: 

KENNEDY, PUBLISHER, 483 BROADWAY. 
1860. 






EiTTEBED according to Act of Congress, in the year 1860, by 

M. KENNEDY, 

In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States, 
for the Southern District of New York. 

3 ^1 517 



PAETT DICTATORS; 



THE RULERS OF THE REPUBLIC. 



BOOK I. 



CHAPTER I. 

Scene.— A Garden before Alertia's House. 
Enter Novice and Alertia. 

Alertia. So, my dear cousin, Novice, you are come to the 
metropolis to embark in business, eb ? 

Novice. Ay, I swear, to tbe most superlative beautiful 
and rapturous coast in all tbis world for business. 

Alertia. Ab ! but, sir, like many another beautiful coast, 
when you look more into it, it is not altogether that entirely 
safe coast you did expect. 

Novice. Not safe, d'ye say ? 

Alertia. Very perilous, sir, by existence of the stake nets 
of the crafty State Fishermen. 

Novice. Stake nets ! what are they ? 

Alertia. The stake nets are Paper Banks ; syrens to help 
along to the ruin inevitable in the end. 



8 PARTY dictators; or 

Novice. Paper Banks, to help along to ruin 1 Who set 
them up and keep them ? 

Alertia. The crafty State Fishermen, cousin. 

Novice. Good heavens — tell me more about them I 

Alertia. Well, cousin, the coast bristles with stake nets of 
the crafty State Fishermen. 

Novice. I had better beware of them ! 

Alertia. Hard to do it ; unless you have always the ready 
cash. 

Novice. Suppose I haven't ? 

Alertia. Well, why they'll take you in and shave you. 

Novice. Shave me. How ? 

Alertia. Bite a piece out of your substance, and let you 
go awhile, and when you're plump, again call you back to 
undergo the same haggard operation. 

Novice. ! I do shudder all over with original horror, 
like the flower prematurely blighted ! 

Alertia.- Didn't I tell thee ? Ha ! ha ! ha ! Cousin, 
they've the most capital fashions of fishing in these waters — 
the crafty State Fishermen with the stake nets set up in de- 
fiance of our god-like forefathers' counsel. 

Apropos of business, my cousin Novice, 
I've business to capitally brush you off 
Your modesty, a cowardly, leaden drawback 
To your success. 

Novice. What is't ? let's hear it, 0, Alert ! 

Alertia. I'm about going with a chosen band of the Rap- 
tured Sovereigns upon a raid into State Forest, to surprise 
State Castle, and rescue the unhappy State Minor from atro- 
cious guard of the State Dictators. 

Novice. Heavens, cousin, you ? 

Alertia. Yea, I ! and apropos, here are my accoutre- 
ments 1 [Exhibits military wardrobe. 



THE RULERS 01" THE REPUBLIC. , D 

Novice. ! lady, thou art mad I fear ! 

[Enter chosen Band of Raptured Sovereign Youths, 
who sing the following 

SONG. 

G-oddess of liberty ! 
Alertia ! 

Nearest our heart ! 
We've brought thy raptured escort, 
We've brought thy raptured escort. 

^lertia. Wilt accompany us, cousin Novice ? 
Novice. With all my heart, my intrepid, fair Alert ! 
Alertia. Modesty becomes the bridal maiden, but not the 
young man who'd shape his fortune. Saddle our horses, 
— ^ho ! [Dons martial uniform. 

Steward. Ay, madam. [Exit old Steward. 

Alertia. When covert tyrants, and brazen demons, under 
capital Pharisaic masks of broad- cloth civilization, hold the 
State Minor captive, devour the hearth-stones of the sover- 
eign citizens, and like the icebergs of Baffin's Bay fill the 
very air with frigid oppression, then does an intrepid bold- 
ness become the first of virtues —Hercules, be my pattern ! 
Ho, our horses ! Here's for State Forest ! 
[Enter groom with horses.] 
Ho, for State Forest ! 
To rescue the unhappy Minor from the guard 
Of abhorred, usurping State Dictators. 

[Mount horses, severally; form in cavalcade and 
ride rapidly off. 



IQ PARTY DICTATOES; OR, 



CHAPTEE II. 

An august room in the State Castle. The Excellent Lord 
Despot and the Reverend Lord Bigot in secret confer- 
ence. 

Despot. Never Montezuma on his throne amid the An- 
des had more capital rapid intimation from all portions of 
his Empire, as do we sitting here at head of state. ■ ^ 
[Enter messenger with several telegraphic dis- 
patches, which he delivers and exits. Despot 
opens and reads several, and starts as he reads 
another. 
Bigot. How now, why do you stare, and stare again 
Upon the written page ? 

Despot. By heavens, a furious electric prophet 
Letting light into the awful future ! 1 

[Despot quakes and drops paralyzed into an arm chair. 
Bigot. Most unaccountahly strange ! 
Stunned and o'erpowered our First Dictator 
And essential Atlas Argus of the State ,, ^ , , , , 

[Bio-ot picks up the letter that suddenly Wasted 
Despot had dropt out of his quivering hands, 
and reads. 
Despot, what's this ? . • . . 

Despot. I'm oblivious 1 My brains are wrapt m mist I 
A brandy-smasher— no ; a gin cocktail, ho ! ^ 

[Exeunt Henchman for gin cock-tail. 
Bi<rot (Beads) ' General Shipwright, lieutenant of Com- 
mandeer General Power, like Hercules, or the magnet of the 
sphere itself, is meeting with a boundless success, insomuch 



THE RULERS OP THE REPUBLIC. 11 

it is anticipated, that the Enlightened Law and Government 
for the highest good of the whole, will anon be voted by uni- 
versal acclamation of all the citizens.' — 

Despot, ho ! arouse I 
Now is exceeding crisis such as never 
We ere yet met in party war. Arouse ! 
DesjMt. What ? what ? what ? 

[Despot surprised, staggers out of the arm-chair. 
Bigot. 0, Despot, 

No other than thine absolute self, the head 
And capital First Dictator of the State 
Is threatened. 

Despot. How threatened ? Gin cock-tail, ho ! 
Bigot. By summary commander, General Shipwright. 
Despot. Abhorred news ! Gin cock- tail, bring hither, ho ! 
[Enter Henchman with gin cock-tail, which Despot 
gulps down at a single draught. 
Bigot. Order forth our partisans — 
But first look to the State Baby. Nurses, ho ! 
Despot. 0, abominable sickening intelligence ! 

[Henchmen exeunt to summon the state Nurses. 
Bigot. Let's satisfy us that the State Baby is yet in our 
keeping. Odious sickening news ! 

[Here enter Grim, Mastiff, Snarl, and Keep, gruff 
Nurses of the State Dauphin, great pursy men, 
drest in women's clothes, with women's caps on 
their heads, one of them carrying the State 
Minor who is crying lustily. 
Despot. Here's Excelsior, on whose prestige we have 
grown so exceedingly great. 

Bigot, All's right, having the State Baby in our keeping. 



12 PARTY DICTATORS ; OR, 

SONG — By Despot and Bigot. 

Ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! 
G-eneral Shipwright's nobody ; 

Pretty much 
An unconsidered wretch, 

Without the State Baby; 
Without the capital State Baby. 

Ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! 
General Shipwright's nobody ! 

Despot. Look to the State Baby. Have a more rigorous 
vigilance. Kedouble the guard upon the Castle walls ! 
Nurses. Ay, my lords ! [Exeunt Despot and Bigot. 

PARAPHRASE OF THE STATE DITTY. 

Sung hy the Gruff State Nurses, to soothe the unhappy 
State Dauphin in his captivity in State Castle buried 
in the Great State Forest. 

Hush, Baby I Baby I 

Nurse is here ! 
Lullaby ! Lullaby ! 

Lean Reynard's near I 
Hush, Baby ! Baby ! 

Or I'll bring him unto you. 
Hungry gentleman at the door I 
Lullaby ! Lullaby 
Baby! Baby! 

[The State Baby screeches. 
Grimm. G-ive me the ideal Baby of State. 
Snarl No, I'll keep the Baby ! 
Keep. You'll not have the Baby, it belongs to me. 
Mastiff. We'll see about that. 

[During the scuffle for the State Baby, the unfortu- 
nate Excelsior, dropped on the ground struggles 



THE BUIEKS OP THE REPUBLIC. 13 

off to a safe place by himself, which is the corner the 
furthest removed from his brutal nurses. 
[Enter Alertia, Novice, and Kaptured Sovereign 
Youths and Veterans. 
Alertia. See, the imprisoned Dauphin whom we seek, the 
state Minor confined in this notorious state Castle under 
guard of the state Dictators of the Republican Cabal. 

Gtimm. Where was a state Dauphin so capitally tended 
as our Dauphin ? 

Alertia. I opine a little more enlightened association with 
nature and rapturous open air liberty, and less equivocal of- 
fices of a wretched hypocritical hag, would do the Stato 
Baby immeasurable good. 

1st Rapt. Sov. Hush, we are in State Castle. 

[Grruff Nurses, spying the Raptured Sovereign 
Youths and Veterans, stop the fight. 
Snarl. Who goes ? 

Alertia. Citizens, solicitous for the State Minor. Indeed 
we earnestly desire you to give Excelsior more freedom and 
natural scope. 

Mastiff. Were we to loose one of the many antiquated 
swaddling bandages, wound round the State Baby, the Dic- 
tators would decree us to be cast into the dungeons of the 
State Castle. 

1st Rapt. Sov. 0, unhappy boy ! 

Alertia. Just see now how sovereign happy the noble 
Baby is when left alone, and rid of his barbarous nurses ! 

1st Rapt. Sov. You see the State Baby can't walk itself, 
but must keep hold of something or otherwise fall, the poor 
thing ! 

Alertia. 0, I warrant 'twill walk well enough, if the lig- 
atures around it were removed. 



14 PARTY dictators; OB, 

MastAff. No man dare cut the ligatures for fear of the 
State Dictators. 

Alertia. I, sir, shall be so bold as to cut the tyrannoua 
swaddling bandages restraining the noble Minor. 

[Gets out her penknife and cuts the bandages and stays. 

Mastiff. Don't ! Don't 1 

Snarl. Mad fellow ! what are you about ? 

Grimm. The State Dictators will send you to Sing Sing. 

Alertia. State Dictators are not an institution of our free 
country, but a foreign importation that I do repudiate. 

[Thereupon invests Excelsior with the robes of Sov- 
ereignty. 

1st Rapt. Sov. Darling Excelsior, come with us ! State 
Castle is no place for Excelsior. 

[Exeunt Raptured Sovereign Youths and Veterans, 
with Excelsior in their arms. Re-enter the Lord 
Bigot, second Dictator of State Castle. 

Bigot. What's become of the Dauphin ? Q-rimm ! Mas • 
tiff ! Snarl ! Keep ! Whether have ye bestowed the ideal 
Baby, upon whose safe keeping depends every future hope 
of our party ? 

Grimm. Hon. Mr. Patron Bigot, even while we did get 
Excelsior his sap and spoonmeat, the raptured Sovereign 
Youths and Veterans, the citizens of heaven, and united 
brothers of the Diamond Republic, with the lightning expe- 
dition of Jove himself, picked up the State Baby and sped 
off with him to their Rapturous University, or Nature's Col- 
lege as they call it. - 

Bigot. Hang sap ! Hang pap ! Hang spoonmeat ! Hang 
the raptured sovereigns ! Hang Rapturous Univers-.ty I 
Hang Nature's College ! Hang everything 1 If the State 
Baby's gone our prestige is ended. 



THE RULERS OF THE REPUBLIC. 16 

[Re-enter the Lord "Welcome Despot, first Dictator 
of State, followed by his numerous Henchmen and 
Fuglemen. 
Despot. How now ! What's the distress that twists your face 
So out of usual staid and decorous fashion ? 
Bigot. Grood reason. Dictator ! 
Despot. Grimm, Mastiff, Snarl, Keep, explain ! 
Grimm. The raptured Sovereigns have been hither and 
abducted the State Baby. 

Despot. Caitiffs to permit them ! Whether removed is 
the Dauphin ! 

Grimm. To adverse harbor. Rapturous University or Grod 
of Nature's School and College. 

Despot. 0, thunder and lightning ! 
Sound, sound the tocsin ! 
Henchmen. Ay, ay ! 

[Exeunt Henchmen to ring bell. Bell presently 
rings a fearful alarm. 
Despot. To horse! to horse ! and scour the Great State 
Forest ! Apprize the Keepers ! stop every avenue of escape 
for the Raptured Devils ! Pursue ! o'ertake ! return the 
State Minor to the State Castle, otherwise off go your 
heads ! 

[Exeunt Henchmen who anon return capitally mount- 
ed for the pursuit on fleet blood horses. 
I have hopes that in some of our intricate marshes of 
legitimacy, the great legal bogs, they may yet meet a fate 
to warn them against any future undertaking of this sort. 
Bigot. Mount and away ! 

Despot. Pursue ! Pursue ! Return the Capital State Baby, 
Or, otherwise, caitiffs, off go your heads ! 

[Exeunt Mounted Henchmen. 
Bigot. Get up an immediate monetary panic ; yea, by a 



16 PARTY dictators; or, 

critical agitation, transfusing the state waters Avitli fatal con- 
gestions, frighten the fish into a due res^Dect for authority. 

Despots. Loose the blood hounds of the State Castles. 
Let the State Fishermen draw the stake nets, and finish all 
up with the State Doctors and Undertakers ! 

[Exeunt Henchmen. 
Bigot. Summon to us the state Fishermen, and the state 
Doctors and Undertakers. 

[Exeunt more Henchmen. 
Despot. Repay, repay the mutinous citizens, 
With original plagues of Egypt ! 
Bigot. Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay ! 

Despot. Cripple them with some immediate shot ; 
Lame their ambition, aiming like the Eagle 
To the entire raptured height of liberty, 
And god-like sovereignty. Grimm, Mastiff, Snarl, Keep ! 
Hither, ye saucy and rebellious dogs ! 

[Startled from their skulking concealment in the ob- 
scure rear of their masters, severally advance, 
cringing and fawning. 
All. Here, Lord Dictator ! 

Despot. Away I seek ye the Baby ! Bring him back 1 
Or, otherwise, caitiffs, off go your heads ! 

[Whereupon exeunt Grrimm, Mastiff, Snarl, Keep, in 
sudden expedition made exceedingly laughter stir- 
ring or ludicrous by reason of the facetious trepi- 
dation of the gruff State Nurses arrayed in hy- 
brid feminine garb like extraordinary Bloomers. 
Bigot. 'Tis treason to our capital laws misfortune is ! 
Despot. Gro, bring our trained blood-hounds to pursue the 
traitorous wretches of misfortune as criminals, and rid the 
country of them. At once ! away and do it ! [Exeunt 



THE KUIiERS OF THE BEPUBIIC. 17 

Henchmen.] For the better pursuit of the unfortunate and 
treasonous to our thrifty laws capitally devised for the trim- 
ming and keeping in monarchical order the state, go, awake 
the several Mousing Ladies of the State Chateaux. 

[Exeunt more Henchmen. 
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ! 
The sovereignty is theirs who hold the reins, 
And that we do ; and oft as fit of restiveness 
Seizeth the people, we anticipate it 
By inscrutable panic and catastrophe, 
Sweeping them headlong in the pit of ruin. 

Bigot. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ! So we do ! 
And, too, so covertly, nobody suspects us. 

Despot. By so much, our secrecy, 

So much our power and assurance ; swept away, 
Even as they stir to assert their sovereignty, 
With original Egyptian-like plagues. 

Now, I do swear extermination to every and all who have 
committed treasonous misfortune. 

[Ke-enter Fuglemen introducing packs of the blood- 
hounds, lank beings in the habit of wolves. 

Ho, our trained packs ! scour ye the state in every direc- 
tion ! make original havoc with the raptured devils, ere, 
uniting, they proceed to auction off the vast multiplicity of 
our State Castles. 

Bigot. All the crippled in the battle eat entirely up, that 
no vestige remain to indicate the slaughter. 

Despot. And whom ye don't immediately eat, put in 
pickle for future dainty. 

Fuglemen. Aj, Dictators ! 

[Exeunt Fuglemen and Blood-hounds of the State 
Castle. 



18 PARTY dictators; or, 

Despot. Kaptured Sovereigns, raptured Devils I every one 
our natural born enemies. 

Bigot. Comfort ! Extermination is our forte. 

Despot. Yes, and we do it so secret that not a patriot with 
his country enshrined in his heart who hath hitherto sus- 
pected us. 



CHAPTER III. 

Another room in the State Castle. Despot and Bigot in 
conference. Presently enter the Partisans of Despot and 
Bigot, distinguished as the Wizards of Artful Devices. 

Despot. Already dread suspicion, like the war speck, 
blackens the rising waters. What's the news ? 

Bigot. Panic reigns like earthquake that shook down 
Lisbon. 

Partisan. Through the city and state; indeed, in the 
chief marts and throughout the great thoroughfares, every- 
body prostrated. 

Despot. Capital ! I knew 'twould work, as it hath wrought 
so famously repeated times before. Panic's Rapture's cure ! 

Partisan. Ay, Dictator, Panic's a thing that shakes the 
soaring sovereignty out of a man and brings him down head- 
long, like bird shot on the wing. 

Bigot. Ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! So be it, for great is 
our need. 

Despot. And so secret we do it, that never patriot with 
his country enshrined in his heart who hath yet suspected us 
of conspiracy. Terrible as the earthquake and as inscru- 



THE BULERS OP THE REPUBLIC. 19 

table whether to fathom or predict occurrence of — Ha ! ha .' 
ha ! ha ! ha ! 

All. Ha ! ha ! ha 1 ha ! ha ! So may it be, for great is 
our emergency. 

[Enter the State Fishermen.] 
\st State Fisherman. The frightened fish are crowding to 
the nets, Dictator. 

2cf State Fisherman. And we await your pleasure in the 
matter 
Nearest to all our hearts. 

Despots. Profits ! profits ! To add whereto, refuse the 
capital fish every accommodation ; but first make ye sure to 
draw in a great multitude. 

State Fishermen. Aj, ay, my Lord Dictator. 

[Exeunt State Fishermen, 
[Enter State Doctors and Undertakers.] 
State Doctor. They are crying outrageously are the cap- 
tive fish. Shall we accommodate them. Lord Dictator ? 

Despot. Away ! State Doctors and Undertakers — finish 
them up quickly ! 

[Exeunt State Doctors and Undertakers. 
[Enter a deputation of citizens to report on the state 
of the country and particularly about the Banks. 
1st Citizen. A dreadful panic ! A great many unfor- 
tunate. 

2c?. Citizen. All the Banks suspended and gone under ! 
Best part of the merchants broken ! 

Despot. Truly, a most unforeseen accident, citizens. 
Please step in the next room a minute. 

[Exeunt deputation of Citizens. 
[Enter Mousing Old Ladies of the State Chateaux. 



20 PARTY dictators; or, 

Ladies of the Chateaux, all the unfortunate who 
can't meet their engagements, away with them into irredeem- 
able slavery. Go, sift ye all the stereotyped tradition books 
that cost the people hundreds of millions to print, for sharpest 
axes, terriblest scorpion whips, and, whetting the one, and ex- 
asperating the other, bring them hither. 

Mousing Ladies. Hither 1 hither I hither ! 
Despot. Till we do exact justice upon every and all 
wretches who have dared to be unfortunate, and gone trea- 
sonous opposite to our thrifty laws. At once I Away and 
do it. 

[Exeunt the Lord Dictators, Despot and Bigot, to 

confer with the deputation. 
[The Mousing Ladies of the State Chateaux are habi- 
ted in fine broadcloth, cut in fashion half like 
man, and half like woman, armed with the claws of 
tigers, and presenting the general sleek, fascinat- 
ing but deceitful look and hue of the genuine 
tigers of Bengal. When the hybrid creatures are 
at rest, their features indicate an expression of the 
extremest self-complacency, mixed with animal 
ferocity and treachery. 
[Enter pages with wigs and ermine robes.] 
1st Mousing Lady. Pity we dare not wear them ! 

[Ladies of the Chateaux spy wistfully the wigs and 
ermine robes. 
Id Mousing Lady. Let it whet our hatred to be denied 
our proper immemorial symbols. Come 1 No mercy ! Pur- 
sue ! 

All. Pursue 1 pursue ! pursue ! 

1st Mousing Lady. Heap up judgments ! judgments 1 
and immeasurable withering^ flames of reckoning. 



THE RULERS OF THE REPUBLIC. 21 

2d Mousing Lady. On every and all wretches, 
Cross and unfortunate, and treasonous, 
Who have outraged the thrifty laws. 

Enter Alertia, Excelsior, and Novice, disguised, 
Alertia. "Well met, Mousing Ladies, wives of the Wizards. 
\st Mousing Lady. Wizards ! What wizards, sirrah ? 
Alertia. shallow reply! Don't we know who are your 
husbands ? 

\st Mousing Lady. No, you don't ! We have none ! 
We are spinsters, respectable old ladies. 

Id Mousing Lady. Sisters of charity, we, who devote 
ourselves to works of mercy and piety. 

\st Mousing Lady. Sworn against marriage vows, and all 
corruption and worldly contamination. 

Alertia. you are marvellous self-complacent ! Tigers 
do never feel better than when lapping the blood of 
their victims. You are married women, wives, and I'll tell 
you whose. 

[They severally seize their demon hand books to 
throw them at Excelsior and Alertia. 
You are the wives of the Wizards of Crafty Devices. 

[Immediately upon that disappear the Mousing 

Ladies uttering alarming shrieks. 
[Exeunt Alertia, Excelsior, and Novice, amused at 
the embarrassment of the Mousing Ladies. Enter 
Slievegammon the Great, and Welcome Despot, 
meeting. 
Despot. G-ood morning, glorious Slievegammon ! How 
foot up profits of Hell-gate stake-net, whereof I've three- 
fifths share ? 

Slievegammon. Capital dividend, my Lord Dictator 1 
Despot. State Fishermen, who live and flourish by arti* 



22 PARTY dictators; ok, 

fices, prepare for the periodic muddying of the waters, pop- 
ulous medium of our capital fish ; and, during ensuing panic, 
make sure you draw in a great multitude. 

Slievegammoii. Never fear, honorable Lord Dictator ! 
thanks to expert Confidence Cropps, our cashier, and the 
harvest, and Providence, our capital fish customers even now 
skip like sheep, though in immediate view of slaughter 
house. 

Despot. Ignorant of any such thing, I dare say. 
Our slaughter houses capitally whitewashed o'er, 
To look more hopefully than the worshipful heaven, 
And utmost palace of magnificence. 

Bigot. capital, thrifty stake nets ! 

Slievegammon. Lord Dictators, the Bubble Bank's down 1 

Bigot. G-ood for our State Doctors and Undertakers. Ha, 
ha ! Well. 

Despot. Unerring Instinct guides me as certain as nature's 
own favorite creatures. "We'll have a crash soon, a wild head 
long panic, that will topple over and engulph all the craft 
who have too much sail spread. Ay, Slievegammon, the 
paper and credit bubbles, both are blown to their utmost 
tension. 

Least puncture of the great ballOon of confidence, 
Precipitates a collapse or explosion. 

And then comes the great harvest for our State Doctors 
and Undertakers. 

Enter Confidence Cropps excited. 

Confidence Cropps. heaven, 'tis upon us 1 

Slievegammon. What, Confidence, our chief man in 
Hell-gate 1 

Confidence Cropps. 'Tis upon us, President ! the Panic, 
the immeasurable crash of the Social Arch, bringing down 
merchants, tradesmen, everybody. 



THE KTJLERS OF THE REPUBLIC. 23 

Despot. Well, ttough the tradesmen and the millions may 
be swept down stream, it is in the muddy crisis, when we 
make the greatest haul of the capital fish. 

G-lorious Slievegammon, away ! Refuse every accommo- 
dation ! Catch and slaughter a great multitude ! 

Slievegammon. I must needs, my Lord Dictator. The 
desperate Panic being upon us ! 

[Exeunt Slievegammon and Confidence Cropps. 
Enter Tagrag and Bobtail. 
Despot. Away, Tagrag, bring me a pint of the best 
brandy. 

Tagrag. Ay, ay, my Lord Dictator ! [Exit Tagrag. 

Despot. No, I'll have gin cock-tail. Bobtail, after Tag- 
rag, and tell him I want gin cock- tail. Quick, Bobtail I 
Bobtail. Ay, ay, my honorable Lord Dictator I 

[Exit Bobtail. 
[Re-enter Tagrag and Bobtail with gin cock-tail. 
Despot. Ha, truly, great need to encourage the inner man 
just now. 

[Enter Patron Bigot, who whispers Welcome Despot 
at one side. 
Devilish news ! The People under General Statewright not 
to be put off with less than their sovereign rights, d'ye 
say ? * [Despot gulps down the gin cock-tail. 

Tagrag. Ay, 'tis pity, your honor ! 
Despot. Call Caucus and Bannem, ho ! 

Enter Caucus and Bannem. 
Caucus and Bannem, you threaten 
Every office-holder with decapitation. 
Who votes to favor the upstart — what d'ye call him ? 
Caucus. Statewright! 



24 PARTY DICTATORS ; OR, 

Despot. Leading the raptured — what d'ye call 'em ? 

Caucus. Devils I 

Despot. Away and do it ! 

Caucus and Bannem. Ay, Dictator ! 

[Exeunt Caucus and Bannem. 

Despot. How masterly we have wrought. The citizens 
must needs keep quiet to escape panic and slaughter in our 
capital stake nets. . 

Bigot. Capital ! 

Despot. Panic, Rapture's griping antidote, now does 
shake society's fabric, like earthquake, back to inveterate 
routine and dictatorship. 

Bigot. Like grandam England who hardly dare turn 
around, for fear her National Debt swell and engulf her 
crazy institutions. 

Despot. 0, we have managed consummate ! Taken the 
foundation, the free soil away, and put up stake nets ; and 
then the people must needs conduct themselves very sedate 
and orderly, to avoid havoc and slaughter by our State Fish- 
ermen, and State Doctors and Undertakers who keep, con- 
veniently, next door. 

Bigot. 0, we have contrived it capitally ! 

Despot. Come away, Mr. Patron Bigot. If we amalgamate 
with the American party and overpower the Democrats, the 
State Baby, with the public sop, is ours yet, for an indefi- 
nite time. 

[Here re-enter, racing with excited mien at the top 
of their speed, the Mousing, or Hawking Ladies of 
the State Chateaux, with a characteristic band of 
pursuers. 

Despot. How now, our dear wives, what flushes ye with 
countenances like irate and thundering Jove ! 



THE RULERS OF THE REPUBLIC 26 

1st Hawking Lady. The raptured mutineers, affecting 
individual sovereignty, did aflfront us here, "but a minute 
ago! 

'id HawJcing Lady. Taunted us unpardonably, even to 
giving us a sore heart wound. 

Despot, How ? how ? 

Is* Hawking Lady. Eeminded us that our husbands 
were yourselves, Lord Dictators, aided by your party legis- 
lating friends. 

Despot. Pursue, pursue ! quickly o'ertake, 

And bring them back for execution 
Prescribed by the strict statute. Hence, pursue ! 

Hawking Ladies. This way fled the rebels. 

[Exeunt the characteristic pursuers, stimulated by 
the prosecuting ladies, who accompany them. 

Despot. Panic like earthquake now shake society's fabric 
till it relapse into accustomed routine of dictation. Original 
trouble alight on all beneath us, and especially on the 
raptured devils, calling themselves sovereigns. 

Bigot. Great need, for, alack, the backbone of our 
prestige is broken, if the capital State Dauphin, Excelsior, 
be not returned to our careful party guardianship. 

Despot. . I have it ! Approaches the celebration of Wash- 
ington's birth-day. Enter we into it with apparent exuber- 
ant spirit; so procure to ourselves the thrifty merits of 
patriots. 

Bigot. That's a capital device ! 

Despot. Ay, let us appropriate the merits of patriots, 
and no fear for the profits. 

Bigot. I approve it, Mr. "Welcome Despot. 

Despot. Away ! Let's do it, ere the age, by enlighten- 
ment, bursting tyrant chrysalis bonds, soar like a planet, 
2 



26 PARTY dictators; OR, 

or an almighty winged tiling, toward the native raptured 
heavens ! [Exeunt. 



CHAPTER lY. 



Inside of Hellgate Bank. Slievegammon and clerks behind 
counter. Enter Hollyoake and Tradesmen. 

Holyoake. Grlorious, Mr. Slievegammon, the countenance 
alone of thee, is calculated to do a world of good ! 0, what 
tradesmen do owe state Legislature for so sacredly studying 
their every need ! 

Slievegammon. Therefore do the Reverend Pious's put 
Legislature in their prayers for especial blessing, Mr. Polly- 
wog — heg your pardon,, I believe, I should say, Mr. Wag- 
tail. 

Holyoake. Mr. Slievegammon, twenty hundred dollars I 
want discounted now 

Slievegammon. Twenty hundred ? 01 eh .? Hem I Very 
sorry, can't accommodate to-day ! 

Holyoake. What d'ye say ? 0, Mr. Slievegammon I 

Tradesman. I want fifty hundred accommodation. Presi- 
dent. 

Slievegammon. gentlemen, distraction has seized me, 
and I'll blow out my brains 1 

[Slievegammon pulls out a pistol, and holds it close 
against his temple. 

Holyoake and Tradesmen. Mr. Slievegammon ! Mr. 
Slievegammon I hold 1 Not for the world, sir I Hold, in 
pity for us, sir — sir, in pity I 



THE RULERS OF THE KEPUBLIG. 27 

[Bank customers dance round, Mr. Slievegammon 
in distracted consternation. 

Holyoake. 0, sir ! 0, sir I spare, spare, 
Your capital life, in our behalf 1 

[Mr. Slievegammon in compassion at tlie sad entrea- 
ties of the customers he shaves, forbears to destroy 
himself for the present occasion, 

Slievegammon. Very sorry, but a panic's thrown Hell- 
gate Bank flat 1 

Holyoake. "What d'ye say ? Panic — the Bank down ? 
can't be, President Slievegammon ! 

Slievegammon. Gentlemen, tradesmen, Mr. Silliedog — 
beg pardon, Mr, "Wagtail, and others, the net is about us and 
no getting out of our difficulties. 

[Enter Confidence Cropps in a bustling manner, who 
overhearing the President's last remark, solilo- 
quizes to himself with a suppressed explosion of 
laughter. 
Confidence Cropps. No, fools ! And no conjecturing how 
you got in, Hal ha! ha! (Aside.) 

Slievegammon. Grentlemen, tradesmen, Mr. Silliedog — 
beg pardon, I should say, Mr. Wagtail, and others, very 
sorry I am, but Hellgate Bank can't help itself, bore under 
by reason of the confounded pressure. 

Arch of created things is broke, God ! 

[Holding his frantic head between his compressed 
hands. 
And heaven itself in Tartarus is prostrate. 
Tradesmen. All gone I all gone ! all gone I 
Holyoake. All gone that under heaven's 
Immeasurable edifice sustained us. 



28 PAUTT DICTATOKS; OR, 

Confidence Cropps. Hellgate's temporarily down at least, 
gentlemen, and I advise that you go home. It won't mend 
the panic to crowd the unfortunate Bank. 

Holyoake. No prospect hut away and creep into our cofiSn, 
And await the state Doctors and Undertakers. 

[Holyoake and the other Tradesmen struggle out of 
Hellgate Bank, hut not out of Hellgate State net, 
which holds them tenaciously fast in their per- 
plexed difficulties. A rush of feet, and the voices 
of a great crowd are heard at the doors hesieging 
them for an entrance. 
Slievegammon. My pistol again I I am in a tight spot, 
and must play the capital dodger hy manufacturing sympa- 
thy to carry me through ! My pistol ! I say, Confidence 
Cropps, as soon as they hurst the doors — my pistol ! 

[A clerk furnishes Mr. Slievegammon with the small 
fire-arms so much desired for the crisis. 
Confidence Cropps. But Mr, Slievegammon, our capi- 
tal President, don't let the fiend tempt you to employ the 
weapon in reality. Feigners often overdo a good thing to 
their own injury. 

Slievegammon. I'll fire over my head, and immediately as 
I drop, pick me up and stretch me out on the committee 
room table. And I say. Confidence Cropps, lock the doors, 
so the customers can see, hut not sacrilegiously approach my 
respectable corpse. 

Confidence Cropps. Ay, glorious President, Mr. Slieve- 
gammon ! 

[Outer doors of the Bank are burst open with a ter- 
rific crash. Customers rush in, hut are stopt hy a 
railing. Slievegammon is seen, seated behind 
counter in a brown study. 



THE EULERS OF THE KEPUBLIC. 29 

1st Customer. Slievegammon 1 we must have accommo- 
dation. 

Confidence Cropps. Bank's closed its doers, gentlemen 1 
Isi Ctcstomer. D'ye mean we should fall prey to the State 
Doctors and Undertakers ? 0, Mr. Slievegammon 1 

2d Custome?: Glorious Mr. Slievegammon, I say ! Glo- 
rious Mr. Slievegammon, ho ! 

Confidence Cropps. Mercy, gentlemen ? If Mr. Slieve- 
gammon do kill himself, maddened by your outcries, the 
abhorred guilt of murderers will forever attach to you. 

[Railing's burst, and the panic-struck customers rush 

inland fill the Bank. 
[Slievegammon fires the pistol over the crown of his 
head, and immediately falls headlong like a dead 
heap. Clerks rush to the apparent corpse, pick 
him up, and stretch him out on committee table in 
private room with the glass doors. 
Clerks. Mr. Slievegammon's killed himself 1 
Confidence Cropps. gentlemen, if you'd have forebore 
your vociferation, this had not happened, that our glorious 
President Slievegammon had have took his capital life. 
Customers. sorry, sorry, sorry, are we ! 
Confidence Cropps. Gentlemen, my advice is go home 
now ! Call in a week ! The truth is you have crowded the 
Bank under. 

Customers. Sorry, sorry, are we ! 

Confidence Cropps. It certainly had withstood the panic 
otherwise. 

\st Customer. Ay, I think Hellgate Bank had stood but 
for our crowding. 

[During the interview wilh Confidence Cropps, many 
of the customers of Hellgate B ank are seen stag- 



30 PARTY dictators; or, 

gering in and staggering out. One man drops 
down on the pavement. 
Customer. Help, ho ! 

[The bank customers come and pick up the man, in 
a swoon. 
Confidence Cropps. Carry him out, and get all out to- 
gether. [Exeunt.] Alack you have crowded Hellgate 
Bank imder, gentlemen I 

[Exit Confidence Cropps, after the bank customers, 
bitterly reprimanding them. 



CHAPTER V 



Tenements in Slaughter House street, being fraction of the 
great property entitled Bigot Manor, accumulated by the 
Honorable Lord Patron Bigot during an extended prac- 
tice of bigotted inventions. 

Enter the Lord Bigot, followed by Levy, Blackmail and 
Deaths Headape, faithful blood-hound attendants of the 
Second Dictator of State. 

Bigot. To the Station House ! Tell the captain to depute 
a bevy of his men hither, lest the bankrupt wretches resist 
process of the alias execution, and add riot to their other 
treasonous crimes ! Away I Bring a force of police. 

[Enter a Messenger, who addresses Hon. Mr. Pa- 
tron Bigot. 
How now ? 



THE RULERS OF THE REPUBLIC. 31 

What puts thy chops down like the sloppy snow, 
Desperately hanging from house-eaves in thaw ? 

Messenger. The Militia is turned against the party. 

Bigot. Turned against us the Militia ? 

Messenger. Gone over to the ranks of the Raptured Sov- 
ereigns. 

Bigot. Death is not cave enough to execute my exceed- 
ing slaughterous intents ! Ho, sheriff ! summon the default- 
ing villain Silliedog, or Wagtail, or whatever he is called, 
down stairs. Better not go up (aside) myself for fear I con- 
tract the typhoid. [Exeunt Henchmen. 
[Enter Henchmen with Holyoake, half a dozen of 
State Blood-hounds fastened on the collar of the 
ghastly and trembling victim, pushing him before 
them like a sheep to the slaughter. 

Settle ! Silliedog, Wagtail, or whatever you're called, no 
more delay ! Settle or execution issues, that wipes you 
from existence. 

Holyoake. Sorry, very sorry, but can't liquidate the note 
just yet. Have no money to pay anybody now. 

Bigot. Sheriff, do execution on the defaulting villain, 
Wagtail. 

Holyoake. O Grod, don^t ! my wife's in her lying-in. 

Bigot. Distrain, distrain, even to the bed beneath the sick 
woman. Levy all ! Leave them not a stick ! 

Deathshead. Ay, well ; capitally secured by your bond, 
otherwise I would not dare to do it. 

[Exeunt into the Tenement House the eager official 
Blood-hounds, followed by Mr. Holyoake raving. 

Neighbor women. The dead tradesman hath left a num- 
ber of orphaned daughters, sir. 

Bigot. Employment enough for them I Let them make 
slop girls and prostitutes 1 



32 PARTY DICTATORS ; OR, 

Make execution on the rest ! 
Blackmail. Ay, your honor ! 

Bigot. Out in the street with the defaulters and repu- 
diators ! 

Levy All. Ay, ay I 

[Exeunt into the Tenement House more of the 
Blood-hounds. 
Bigot. Treasonous to our thrifty laws misfortune is ! 
Out in the street with cross unreasonable wretches I 
Away and do it ! 

[To other Blood-hounds who go accordingly. 
[Enter a party of Irishmen headed by Pat Shillelah, 
whirling bludgeons and maldng other hostile de- 
monstrations. 
Shillelah. by my soul 1 but, you won't touch Mr. Polly- 
wog's goods 1 I beg his pardon, Mr. Shillyshally's little ef- 
fects. 

Bigot. Police, ho ! Off to the station house ! cry riot, 
fire, and murder by the way, and hurry up the constabulary ! 
[Enter from the house. Blood-hounds of State Castle 
carrying Mrs. Holyoake on a mattrass; they 
tumble her in the mud and put the bed with the 
rest of the unfortunate bankrupt's property in the 
wagon and drive off. 
Shillelah. Augh ! what are ye's doing here ? Home, ye 
spolpins ! Let poor women's things alone. Dogs of perdi- 
tion ! ye tarnation cannibal rascals, while she's helping 
her husband to another sprig, ye're ravaging and thinning 
population and bleeding the country on all hands. Home, ye 
spolpins ! 

2d Irishman. Fiend-invader I Red hot demon ! Bigot, 
come on ! 



THE EULERS OP THE KEPUBLIC. 6& 

Sd Irishman. Charge, give him tattle ! drive the wolves 
back to the State Forest ! 

[Whereupon sympathizing Pat Shillelah and Irish- 
men attack and repulse Dictator Bigot, and the 
State Blood-hounds; 

Bigot. Police, ho 1 Riot and murder 1 Police ! 

[Enter posse of Police, headed by Police Captain. 
They collar Shillelah and others, and take them 
off to the Station House. Exeunt Bigot, Blood- 
hounds and Retainers. Enter second set of the 
State Doctors and Undertakers. 

State Doctor. An outrage to the dear law, Mr. Holy- 
cake. 

Mrs. Holyoake. It may be, bnt, if it is, the law has stood 
idle by, and permitted us to be plundered. 

State Doctor. Pay me twenty-five dollars, Mr, Holyoake, 
and I'll obtain a judgment against Bigot for your goods, 

[Holyoake pulls out his pocket-book and empties 
the contents into the greedy hands of the State 
Doctor. 
What, report of pistol ! 

[All look around and see at some distance a man fall- 
ing to the earth. 
The brother of the dead tradesman has blown his brains 
out, I declare ! 

[The crowd rushes to the sequestered spot selected 
by the suicide to put an end to his misery. 

[Enter band of the Raptured Sovereigns.] 
1st Rapt. Sovereign. How now ? What's ado here ? 
Alertia. Rabid bigots enforcing a farrago of pestiferous 



34 PARTY dictators; or, 

nuisances, the ferocious statutes of Pharisaic shop, a political 
Juggernaut. 

1st Rapt, Sovereign. I see, creating the fires of purga- 
tory. 

2c? Rapt. Sovereign. 0, mad dogs of bigotry ! 

Alertia. The State Dictator Bigot, in a fury of righteous- 
ness, otherwise called tyrannous self-will and ignorance, in a 
word, bigotry, has newly done execution on this unfortunate 
neighborhood, and rooted it up completely, as you see. 

\st Rapt. Sovereign. Ay, evidently, we've got crafty in- 
vention enough. 

Alertia. Such overpowering pyramid of deadly devices about 
all bigots and despots think of ; always conceiving how to 
abridge liberty, or defeat justice ; raptured creatures of the 
heaven, — ^both ravished by enlightened united effort of the 
people, otherwise rid to death by state tyrants. 
[Enter more Kaptured Sovereigns.] 

3c? Rapt. Sovereign. "What's the matter here ? 

Alertia. They have been down and levied unfortunate 
Mr. Holyoake out root and branch; every stick of his pro- 
perty carried away. 

Holyoake. 0, my darling household gods ! 0, consecrated 
guardians of my hearthstone 1 gone ! gone ! 

Mrs. Holyoake. Ay, Eobert, but courage, our children, 
our living idols are left. 

Novice. Ay, there's always enough young ones to the 
poor, however few may be their other household deities. 

Alertia. Here behold the desolation of the hearthstone of 
worthy citizens by their plagued inventions. Let us declare 
the end of all tyrants, whether covert and Pharisaic of 
America, or open and defiant of Europe. Yes ! elevate the 
resplendent standard of Enlightenment, and follow General 



THE RULERS OP THE REPUBLIC. 35 

Power's lieutenants, and everywhere publisli the end of Phari- 
saic shops ; the beginning of the Enlightened Law and Grov- 
ernment for the whole, rapturing the poor out into sub- 
urbs-like paradise, upon suitable lots • giving all rent to buy 
the property ; immediately appealing all taxes, and sheriff's 
levies ; raising necessary expenses — police and fire depart- 
ments alone needed — ^by voluntary contributions ; founding 
Rapturous Universities, or perfect universal Catholic church- 
es, schools and colleges, combined of Nature's Author in lieu 
of unenlightened, crucifying caves of plagued bigots ; giving 
utmost support to all the Press, and rapturing their editors 
from stipendaries of politicians and nation mongers, to en- 
lightened champions of commercial millennium, and univer- 
sal Diamond Republic. 

1st Rapt. Sovereign. Ajj lady ! intrepid, fair Alertia, god- 
dess of Liberty ! 

Alertia. Let us requite the hypocritical covert tyrants, 
whether State Dictators, or individuals of bigot shops, 
by dissecting them open to the public view. Let us 
give them Enlightened battle by the almighty pen on every 
occasion. Route them from their several State Castles, for, 
until we do it. no happiness or perfect god-Hke liberty, or 
opulent unity and content for the people, never. 

1st Rapt. Sovereign. Let us straightway do it I 

Alertia. Immediately, for we can never make terms of 
peace with bigots or despots, because, if we did, it would be 
hollow and hypocritical, and they would still harrass the peo- 
ple by their vicious coinages. Until bigots and despots are 
compelled by the people to accept enlightenment, and' to 
give up all crafty devices, the State, like a horse bestridden 
by a devilish jockey, will be rid to death, or at least to its 
bankrupt and skeleton likeness. 



36 PARTY dictators; OR, 

Rapt Sovereigns. We are decided, noble goddess of 
liberty ! 

Alertia. Then all away, and offer battle to the State Dic- 
tators, strangling our country's rapturous life by inventions. 
[Exeunt Raptured Sovereign& 



CHAPTER VI. 

The Polls decorated with staring placards, infested with 

Politicians, Rowdies, Drunkards and others. 
Enter General Shipwright and Raptured Sovereigns. 

Gen. Shipwright. O, gentlemen, what madness are you 
about here ? 

Tagrag. Stop, ShipAvright, you outrageous recreant, 
would you dare traduce the institution of the ballot box. 
Sedition ! sedition ! 

1st Citizen. Madness ! "Why, we are voting, that is exer- 
cising our glorious privilege of freemen. 

Tagrag. Obstructing the Polls, Police ! 

Gen. Shipwright. What, voting whom ? 

2d Cit. Representatives ! 

Tagrag. Police ! Police ! to take away Shipwright. Po- 
lice 1 

Gen. Shipwright. Voting representatives and you every 
one sovereign ? Why it must be you have lost your reason ! 
For sovereigns, that is those who reign on the throne, are 
very jealous of their privileges, and will by no means abate 
a jot of them, and are especially careful to secure the sceptre 
in their own grasp. 



THE BTJLERS OF THE REPUBLIC. 37 

Tagrag. Away to the Station House for police. 

[Exit Bobtail. 

\st Citizen. 0, indeed, you take us up on the wings of 
hope, and pretty considerably widen our field of vision. 

Tagrag. A fellow obstructing the polls, Police ! 

2^ Citizen. Sovereigns under age, say you ? 

Gen. Shipwright. Why, it must be you are not yet arrived 
at proper years of discretion since you are governed by re- 
gents. 

^d Citizen. Kegents, sir ? 

Gen. Shipwright. Ay, Dictators of Party and Party it- 
self, an exorbitant monster. 

Tagrag. Police 1 Police 1 ho ! 

1st Citizen. How are we disfranchised in America ? 

Gen. Shipwright. In America, though you are sove- 
reign, that is have a vote, royal privilege bequeathed by 
your enlightened warlike ancestors, yet you have been 
hitherto minors. 

2(5? Citizen. Minors, General Shipwright ? 

Gen. Shipwright. That is you have been content to be 
governed and driven and butchered and imprisoned by re- 
gents, dictators, exorbitant chiefs of party, who have you as 
greatly under curb as the rider the horse. 

1st Citizen. sir, if you can suggest any mode of bet- 
tering ourselves, do it, and receive our gratitude. 

Gen. Shipwright. Can you not think now of any bond to 
unite the whole People, and thus save so much expensive 
round about legislation, plagued as the inventions of an in- 
finite hag at that. 

2d Citizen. "We cannot imagine for the life of ns. 

Gen. Shipwright. Enlightened Law 
Ravishing diamond unity and content, 



38 PARTY DICTATORS j OR, 

Long life and liberty, and happiness 
Perfect in measure like the rapturous skies. 

1st Citizen. 0, that is it ! 

Gen. Shipwright. "Well, if you are convinced, now enroll 
beneath my enlightened standard. 

Citizens. General, we shall ! 

Gen. Shipwright. Come away, and be known in future 
as the Raptured Sovereign Citizens of New York, voters of 
Enlightened Law, soon creating all the rent-paying citizens 
their own landlords. 

0, the felicitous society that 
From Enlightened Law proceeds is true complete, 
Clipping mankind Hke heaven in safety perfect. 

1st Citizen. Bravo ! 

The government that's for the greatest good 
Of the greatest number, as heaven is indeed. 

2d Citizen. Hurrah ! Enlightened Law and Government 
to rapture the. rotting poor of New York out in suburbs like 
Paradise ; besides, creating every man his own landlord ! 

Gen. Shipwright. Gentlemen, bound by enlightenment 
In perfect brilliant unity like the diamond, 
Away now, and enlighten all the people. 
That, on the next election, they 
May vote unanimously the Enlightened Law 
And Government of perfect liberty. 

[Enter Bobtail with officers of Police.] 

Tagrag. General Right, you recreant, I arrest ye, for ob- 
structing the polls, and capital fountain head of govern- 
ment. 

Gen. Shipwright. Of convenient party representation, I 
grant you, controlled by usurping State Dictators. 

Tagrag. Police, away with the seditious recreant to the 
Tombs. 



THE RULERS OP THE REPUBLIC. 39 

Police. Come away to the Tombs, General Right. 
Citizens. Come with the General, and stand his hail I 
Gen. Shipwright. Citizens, don't let this disconcert you. 
1st Citizen. No, General Shipwright, mere distracting 
ruse of the State Dictators, I warrant. [Exeunt. 



CHAPTER VII. 



Scene. — A street in the Metropolis. 
[Enter Novice and Pimp.] 

Pimp. You've an estate left you by your father, eh ? and 
you've emigrated to the Metropolis to begin business, eh ? 
and you want the ready capital, eh ? Business 1 Egad ! that's 
the brief Phoenix to make a man ! 

Novice. Ay, sir, but I'm perplexed how to convert the 
lumbering farm on my hands to ambitious business neces- 
sities. 

Pimp. Mr. Confidence Cropps, ho ! 

[Enter Confidence Cropps.] 

Mr. Confidence Cropps, let me introduce you to Mr. Novice- 
Mr. Novice, Mr. Confidence Cropps. I can recommend 
Mr. Confidence Cropps as the capitalist fellow to launch a 
new beginner in the world. 

Confidence Cropps. Ardent young man, I can supply 
your necessities to begin business withal. 

Pimp. Trust Confidence Cropps, the first of our financiers, 
at bestowing business men a lift. He keeps a floating dock 
to equip the business man on the shortest notice. 



40' PARTY dictators; or, 

Confidence Cropps. Ardent young man, I can give you a 
start will forward you to become one of our first merchants. 
Here, sign and endorse. 

Novice. What, if that should be a paper cut-throat ? 0, 
dear, I'm mortal afraid I 

Confidence Cropps. Confidence, sir. Here's an Aladdin 
with a wonderful lamp, who will open a palace of glory to 
you. Mr. Novice, you must have confidence, or you can 
never get on in business. 

Novice. Is that the wonderful Aladdin ? 

Confidence Cropps. Ay, sir ; sign it, and it will open to 
you prospects of Tyre and Carthage. 

[Novice signs note, and at the same time a mortgage 
on his farm, as collateral security. Cropps imme- 
diately pockets the note and bond. 

Ha ! ha ! Devilish fool ! (aside.) Grood morning, Mr. 
Novice. [Exeunt Confidence Cropps. 

[Enter Alertia.] 

Novice, I've done it, made the great venture, and yet I 
wish I hadn't. Who comes ? What, cousin Alertia ? 0, 
I'm guilty ! I've done wrong I I can't stand her lynx 
eye. 

Alertia. Ha, cousin, why do you turn your back, like a 
criminal to his accuser ? 

Novice. Alert has discovered it already. Well, I swear, 
I'll confess all. 

Alertia. Do ! free confession is good for the soul. 

Novice. What d'ye think, cousin Alert, I've dropt lum- 
bering farmer and turned merchant. 

Alertia. You've underta'en a business full of hazard, 
And hard to weather as the rigid cape 
Projected out upon the unfathomable deep. 



THE KULERS OF THE REPUBLIC. 41 

Novice. 0, I "wish I'd hack the farm ! 0, hang the note 
•with the collateral hooked device of Cropps ! 

Alertia. 0, my cousin Novice, you're flushed, disordered, 
haggard, new from some horrid enchantment. Had you 
seen Medusa, my fair boy, you could not look worse. 

Novice. I have done it, I have made the great venture, 
and yet I wish I hadn't. 

Alertia. What venture have you made, cousin Novice ? 

Novice. Given my note with collateral, to raise the capi- 
tal to emhark me in business, my fair cousin Alert ! 

Alertia. An operation full of peril. Who shaved your 
note and got your bond ? 

Novice. A pretty good sort of man, Confidence Cropps ! 

Alertia. 0, Novice, you've put your foot in quicksand, 
whence all your ingenuity will avail you nothing to extri- 
cate you. If a panic were to come now, farewell, Novice, to 
your business prospects. 

Novice. A panic ! what is that ? 

Alertia. Well, you must know, the groimd here is plaguy 
shaky ; and, as in a building where, on the least cry of fire, 
they all rush to the door, crowding and trampling the fee- 
blest, so in a panic the weak are inevitably borne under and 
destroyed by the pressure of frantic thousands, crushing the 
financial edifice. 

[Enter Newsboys crying, ' The Extra ! Great Panic, 
sir ! Banks all closed their doors !' 

[Exeunt Newsboys. 

D'ye hear ! 

Novice. The whirlwind of retribution has already over- 
taken me on account of my depraved hardihood. 

Alertia. So much for looking to the Wizards of Artful 
Devices in lieu of the enlightened foundations of sove- 



42 



PARTY dictators; OR, 



reign rights guaranteed to the whole people by Enlightened 
Law voted by universal popular acclamation. 

Novice. Ass ! ass ! 1 have been a perfect Novice, in- 
deed, to exchange Grod's enlightened foundation, a home- 
stead, for a haggard position in the quicksand ! Hark, a 
roaring ! 

Alertia. 'Tis a mad and turbulent tide of frightened 
people, hurrying to the Banks to draw out their money. 

[Enter and exeunt several streams of Passengers, 
scampering in different directions. 

Novice. Grod pity poor tradesmen and merchants like my- 
self embarked in paper crafts ! 

Alertia. Away from this perilous flat subject to the peri- 
odic invasion of waters. Seek we out some high and dry 
position, far above the agitated tide. I am doubtful if a 
safe foothold can now be found in all the financial world dis- 
ordered by the operations of the "Wizards of Artful Devices. 
[Exeunt Excelsior and Novice. 



BOOK II. 



CHAPTER T. 

A Park. Public reception given to Excelsior, to congratu- 
late the noble minor on his escape from State oppression. 
Enter Alertia, Excelsior, Novice, and Raptured Sovereign 
Citizens who fall into rank under their Captains and Lieu- 
tenants. 



THE RULERS OF THE REPUBLIC. 43 

Eaxelsior. thanks, heroic friends ! who have opportune- 
ly delivered me from the tyrannous hands of the State Dic- 
tators ! Evermore thanks ! 

Alertia. Why, darling Excelsior to liberate thee from the 
oppressive Dictators was a first rapturous duty that we owed 
ourselves and the sovereign citizens. 

Eo(xelsior. Especially, 

I owe my liberty to thee, Alertia, 
Evertoore thanks, my fair lady ! 

\st Rapt. Sovereign. Capital' st goddess, Liberty ! 
The rapturous idea of enlightened people ! 

Alertia. Darling Excelsior ! the pleasure of seeing thee 
at liberty, out iu the rapturous free open air, repays hundred 
fold our risk and hazard incurred in the raid into State 
Forest. 

Excelsior. Thanks again, raptured lady, Alertia, 
Thanks, too, ye my raptured sovereign brothers I 

Alertia. Now my escort, with myself, I devote to Excel- 
sior, 

Excelsior. And Excelsior hails all as sovereign brothers 
alike, in raptured united Republic of the future. 

Alertia. capitally our intrepid raid into State Forest, 
aud surprise of State Castle, has succeeded ! 

Excelsior. However, the tyrannous Dictators like icebergs 
in breaking to pieces will commit a world of devastation ; so 
serpent-like ungrateful, as to seek a revenge on their sove- 
reign benefactors, the people, if they can do it, by any des- 
perate means. 

Alertia. Ho ! now, sovereign brothers, straightway press 
we the despotic State Dictators, and the Republican cabal, 
and every other cabal ; the swooping ladies of the State 
Chateaux, furious ministers of bigoted invention with whom 
impossible a united sovereign people can incorporate. Ay, 



44 PARTY dictators; or, 

press we tbem altogether, till they do cease for ever ; rap 
tured to heaven and omnipotent sovereign unity. Even 
they, too, who have made hitherto haggard state and city. 

Isi Rapt. Sov. Throw them overboard, as they have 
hitherto done the great part of the people. 

Alertia. No, vote them to oblivion, if they do not join 
voluntarily the enlightened ranks of Raptured Sovereign 
Citizens. The people new awakened to realize their sover- 
eign privileges, want a perpetual, glorious league amongst 
themselves, and Enlightened Law is the thing to bestow it 
them completely. 

Kapt. Sovereigns. We do swear by 

Alertia. O psha ! We don't want to swear at all in so 
rapturous celestial case, but simply exalt Enlightened Law 
ravishing unity, and the perpetual glorious league of the 
people is already achieved. 

Rapt. Sovereigns. It is 1 it is! Hurrah! hurrah! 
Excehior. We accept it. We accept of Enlightened Law 
instituting perpetual, glorious league of Raptured United 
Sovereign People. 

[Enter Emigrants and Missionaries,] 
Remain where you are and don't go any further west. 

Alertia. Stop, emigrants ! For many years the state and 
city will be rapturous open for sovereign settlers. 

Isi Rapt. Sov. Remain, and don't go any farther west. 
Alertia. Stop, missionaries 1 No more going abroad, till 
you have reclaimed every one of our unfortunate heathen at 
home. 

[Here marches past, at the same time saluting and 
applauding goddess Alertia, and young Gen. Ex- 
celsior, a grand demonstrative procession of Rap- 
tured Sovereign Citizens, the patriotic supporters 
of a Diamond Republic, followed by a file of child^ 



THE RtTLERS OT THE REPUBLIC. 45 

ten, taught in the Rapturous Universities, or God 
of Nature's churches, schools, and colleges com- 
bined, for gratuitous enlightenment, and education, 
and instruction of the whole people. 

[Enter a Messenger.] 

Messenger. General Excelsior, Lady Alertia, goddess of 
Liberty, and other sovereigns, the spies of Bigot and l)espot, 
the State Dictators, trumping up a frivolous charge against 
General Shipwright, have on that had him arrested to pre- 
vent him joining your solemn enlightened warlike league. 

Excelsior. Away, and anticipate their action. 

[Exeunt Captains and Lieutenants. 

Alertia. To audacity politicians owe success ; 
And to be even, enlightened men, like angels, 
Mounted on Paradise gates, must show exceeding 
And most continued vigilant. [Exeunt all. 



CHAPTER II. 



A STREET. — Enter on one side Police with General State- 
wright in custody; on the other, Raptuied Sovereigns 
headed by Alertia and Excelsior. 

Alertia. Hold, Bigot's and Despot's henchmen ! whether 
are you taking General Statewright, the People's hope ! 

1st Officer. People's hope is on the straight road to 
prison. 

Alertia. Ay, I doubt not, a good many besides are on the 



46 PAUTY dictators; or, 

downward road, under oppression of hand-dog state inven- 
tions. 

Excelsior. All, whom Enlightened Law would immediately 
Rapture and make good citizens and brave customers of our 

merchants ; 
And despots, yet, for their own profit, will 
Accept enlightened government for the whole. 

Come, unhand the General ! No more going to 
prison, except for murder or other crimes; and no more 
criminals, where bigots and despots are first made to respect 
natural sovereign rights, rapturing the entire population that 
is now clutched like a cancer in universal vice and despera- 
tion, by impoverishing State invention. 

[Police draw their bludgeons. The Raptured Sov- 
ereigns surround, overpower, and take their weap- 
ons from them. 

2c? Officer, Breaking the laws, fellows ? 

Alertia. No, getting rid of their bigotted inventions and 
infinite haggard conceptions, to capitally tie up sovereign 
liberty and defeat ineffable justice, everlasting creature of 
the heavens. 

Excelsior. Know necessaries of bigots and despots. 

Alertia. The enlightened citizens can do no wrong. 

Excelsior. More perfect sovereigns than Europe boasts of. 

Alertia. And guaranteed from arrests and harassing pro- 
cesses 
By crooked invention of a bigot shop. 
Ignoring perfect means of enlightenment. 

Excelsior. The merchants and the rich business citizens 
and tradesmen, all the world, can do no less, for its own sake, 
than exalt Enlightened Law, creating the entire population 



THE KULERS OF THE REPUBLIC. 47 

in fortune, more or less. Prisons, like other state inventions, 
are gulfs of expense. All the need of prisons is by first re- 
fusing natural sovereign rights by Enlightened Law, and 
by not providing means of enlightenment, universal as hea- 
ven's sunshine, in Rapturous Universities, which are God of 
Nature's united Catholic churches, schools, and colleges 
combined. If this population, now opprest and crowded to- 
gether in cities like a jungle, or an original dangerous tropi- 
cal forest, were distributed on lots, and homesteads, and 
farms, in suburb and country; or created their own land- 
lords by Enlightened Law decreeing rent to buy the 
property, and thereupon left alone, free from harass by 
Stake nets, by Periodic Fish Slaughters, executions and 
hunting-matches, in the hands of State Blood-houndf?, 
grim State Doctors and Undertakers to finish all up, why, 
gentlemen of police, the dense, turbulent, seething mass of 
vice you have to deal with, were a glorious addition to the 
state, and increasing ten thousand fold present trade and 
commerce. 

Alertia. Good ! good ! 0, capital ! 

1st Officer. We like the idea ! 

Excelsior. Gentlemen of police, your hand ! 

[All shake hands. 

Police. Forgive us. General Statewright ! Success to the 
enlightened battle 1 God speed Enlightened Law, inaugura- 
ting glorious government for the whole, even Heaven's own 
faultless rule, indeed 1 

Alertia. Down with bigots, despots. State Dictators, 
Swooping Ladies of State Chateaux, Stake-nets of State 
Fishermen, State Blood-hounds, and all hang-dog State in- 
ventions, craftily undermining unity, harmony, and general 
opulence and content 



48 PARTY DICTATOES; OE, 

Excelsior. Hurrah, Honorable Directors, Gruardian Sheriff, 
Enlightened Court for the County, Profitable Lawyers of 
United Citizens in great measure, all created by force of 
circumstances as soon as the sovereign people exalt Enlight- 
ened Law. Hurrah, Enlightened Law itself rapturing 
trade, population, all together in unity, wealth, happiness 
and contentment. Huri-ah ! hurrah ! 

Alertia. Now promise us, gentlemen of police, at parting, 
that you'll join the millions of enlightened sovereigns about 
to vote by acclaim the Enlightened Law and Government 
rapturing the whole \ when you'll become more a sanitary 
police than one for pursuit of criminals, likewise, in part, 
manufactured by hang-dog inventions and universal abhorred 
forest oppression and political monopoly of state bigots and 
despots and their kindred creatures, severally exorbitant as 
the fiends who operate only damnation. 

All the Officers. We believe it ! 

\st Officer. At all events, the Enlightened Law and Gov- 
ernment for the whole is the thing ,• it commends itself to 
sense and reason. 

Alertia. Nature's enlightened offspring, gentlemen 1 
God's rapturous issue like His type of heaven ; 
Magnetizing mankind to harmony, yea, e'en 
To unity and planetary perfection. 

2c? Officer. God speed the Enlightened Law and Govern- 
ment for the general well being. Hurrah 1 General State- 
wright and Raptured Sovereign Citizens. Hurrah ! hurrah ! 
[Exeunt opposite ways, exchanging salutations, but 
presently return. Enter Tagrag and Bobtail, re- 
monstrating. 

Tagrag. Police, I charge this man with inciting a riot 
Rush him to prison, I say ! 

1st Officer. No, we've given up the idea. 



THE BULERS OP THB EEPUBLIC. 49 

2d Officer. We cannot think of it. 

Tagrag. Police, do your duty 1 Rush him to prison, I 
say! 

Bobtail. Head of sedition, rush him off to prison. 

Alertia. Capital offense is sedition in the exorbitant, 
jaundiced vision of Tagrag and Bobtail, and party dictators ! 

Tagrag, Police, take him away ! do your duty as you're 
sworn to. 

E(xxelsior. Grentlemen, we are now by enlightenment, sev- 
erally kings, and every other man our sovereign brother. 

Alertia. Know, Mr. Tagrag, 

And Mr. Bobtail, that the raptured Sovereigns, 
Perfectly enlightened, can do no wrong. 
Except in exorbitant eyes of party men. 
Dictators, soon to leave God's raptured ship, 
That they've usurp'd, and with a pyramid 
Of state inventions, saddled the good people, 
Now perfectly woke to realize liberty. 

Bobtail. Away and tell honorable Lord Bigot and Despot. 

Tagrag. hang them ! How these raptured devils com- 
municate their contagious example to everybody, I cannot 
imagine. 

Excelsior. By rapturous enlightened platform, sovereign 
rights, sir. 

Bobtail. Return we to the Dictators, ere matters grow 
any worse. 

[Exeunt Tagrag and BobtaiL 
[Exeunt Police and Raptured Sovereigns, opposite 
ways, exchanging salutations. 



50 



PARTY DICTATOKS; OB, 



BOOK III. 



CHAPTEK I. 

Scene. The State Dungeons, constructed after awful Egyp- 
tian model. The Honorable Patron Bigot and the Honor- 
able Welcome Despot and the Hawking Ladies on the 
professed seat of justice. The Blood-hounds with thirsty- 
eyes of ferrets and mastiff eountenances and buttoned up 
tunics. The capital imps of the presiding Devils circulate 
round the respected State Dictators ; a forcible picture of 
the regions of the damned. Three red hot demons of 
stoves in the room, creating a fierce Tartarean, and, to the 
prisoners at least, oppressive atmosphere, add to the other 
congregated horrors of the State Dungeon. 

Bigot. Ha I ha ! ha I Good day, Ladies, our honorable 
wives ! 

Despot. Capital amusement Great State Forest affords ! 
capital ! Not only the State Waters, are full of our capital 
State nets ; but when the fish, and they're an amphibious 
sort and hard to kill, come out of the water, and take to the 
State Forest, then it affords us more sport yet. Ha, ha, ha ! 

Bigot. Truly, the State Waters and State Forests afford us 
capital variety of sports and pleasures. Ha 1 ha 1 ha 1 

[Enter Blood-hounds of State Castle driving in 
Hollyoake, Pat Shillelah, and Lishmen. 

Blood-hound. The xingleadevs in yesterday's riot, yotii 
honors ! 



THE RULERS 01" THE REPUBLIC. 61 

Despot. The sentence of the court is three months' hard 
labor with one month solitary confinement on a fare of bread 
and water. 

Bigot. If the capital State Baby goes, you know, we go, 
too ; look to the State Baby 1 

Despot. Bigot, this is strange speech. 

Blood-hound. Here, Hollyoake, Pollywog, Silliedog, Shil- 
lyshally, for it appears this man goes by half a dozen villainous 
aliases, your honors. Here are, too, the other absconding 
debtors. 

Despot. Pollywog and the others can go, on severally giv- 
ing their bonds. 

Bigot. Grimm, Mastiff, Snarl, Keep, ho I Look to the 
State Dauphin 1 

Despot. Bonds they'll give 
Or e'er a doit of freedom they shall have, 
Or justice either. — Hence with them to prison. 

Jlolyoalce. If there's no justice or freedom to be had with- 
out bonds, I wonder how a poor plundered bankrupt is to 
get it. 

Fat Shillelah. 0, by my soul, it's to jail we must go, 
to expatiate on the glorious sweets of free enjoyment in a 
cage. 

Bigot. Despot, we are ruined, sheer out of credit. 
Without that ideal Baby, Excelsior 1 

Despot. Gro to, Bigot ! you're cracked, and don't know it, 
Stop, man ! shut up, you rave, you're mad, indeed. 

Pat Shillelah. What would your honors pay me now, if 
I'd undertake a sortie into Rapturous University, or Nature's 
church and college, and release the State Dauphin ? 

Despot. Nothing for the undertaking which any haphazard 
jackass may do, but for the success, the touchstone of genius, 
glorious riches in possession. No bonds forthcoming ? Then 
to jail with ye I 



52 liXCELSIOR; Oft, 

[Exeunt Blood-hounds, with Holyoake, Pat Shille* 
lah, and Irishmen, to commit them to the State 
Dungeon. 

Despot. Why, Bigot, you wander in your mind worse than 
the criminal under sentence. 

Bigot. I was thinking of our capital loss 
In the abduction of Excelsior, 
The ideal expectation of the State. 

Despot. Ay, alack, it perils our prestige ; yea, infects us 
with weakness, Mr. Bigot. 

Bigot. I must give up ; I cannot act it out in the face of 
the people, destitute of Excelsior, the State Dauphin. 

Despot. 0, bah ! why, Bigot, you're chicken-hearted. 

Bigot. 0, how the guilt blackens me with suspicions I 
Like a lake overhung and darkened with rocks and forests, 
my shaggy actions do, with their trepidating shadows, make 
me infinitely haggard, miserable, and unsettled entirely, 
0, Despot ! 

Despot. Fy, Patron Bigot, grown timid, like a pregnant 
woman ! What would'st thou say ? 

Bigot. 0, I'm fraught with perilous conceptions as excit- 
ed water 1 — I am in such stiaits as where world-weary 
wrecks break in pieces, and where suicides rashly strand 
their desperate barks. 

Despot. ! no doubt ! evident enough ! 

Bigot. Who's that ? 

[Enter Tagrag.] 

Despot. Why, it's Tagrag ! 

Bigot. Who's that other ? 

[Enter Bobtail.] 

Tagrag. Quiet, Lord Dictator ! It's nobody but Bobtail 1 

Bigot. Hang Bobtail, always coming in unlocked for on 
top o' me, like the grim avenger, or like Nemesis itself. 



THE RULERS OP THE REPUBLIC. 5& 

Despot. Away, Mr. Tagrag, and petition Excelsior ; tell 
him if he will come back to State Castle, we'll administer 
the laws with a single eye to his advantage. 

Bigot. 0, we have not had a day's luck since that capital 
Baby was abducted from the Castle. Away, Mr. Tagrag, 
and you, Mr. Bobtail ; persuade that capital Baby to return 
to our roof where he was nurtured. 

Tagrag. Ay, ay, my Lord Dictators. 

[Exeunt Despot, Bigot, Tagrag, and Bobtail, each 
departing his own way. 



CHAPTER II. 



Scene. An August Room in the State Castle. The Hon. 
Lord Regents or Dictators, Welcome Despot and Patron 
Bigot in conference. 

Enter Tagrag and Bobtail. 

Tagrag. The Police have joined the raptured Sovereigns. 

Despot. Agrarian devils 1 

Bigot. The particulars, speak I 

Tagrag. While the people were assembled at the polls 
voting for us, Tagrag and Bobtail, and other party candi- 
dates of your nomination. 

Despot. Well, sir. 

Tagrag. Came Shipwright — 

Despot. Hang the caitiff ! 

Tagrag. Lieutenant of Commander Power, now in 
Europe. 



54 excelsior; or, 

Despot. Came Shipwright and what ? 

Tagrag. Taught the People to unite, 
To vote Enlightened Law, inaugurating Enlightened Gov- 
ernment, 
By Honorary President and Cabinet ; 
Honorary Grovernors, Honorary Mayors ; 
Enlightened Court of the County, Gruardian Sheriff 

Bigot. Hang the villains ! 

Tagrag. Enlightened Directors of Enlightened Court; 
Profitable Lawyers of United Citizens, 
To create every man his own landlord 1 

Bigot. Quarter and draw him I 

Tagrag. And properly distribute population ; 
To estopp taxes, levies, every leak of the ship. 

Bigot. Put a price on the traitor's head, Despot ! 

Tagrag. That water logs the people, retards trade, 
And all that. 

Despot. Measureless rascal ! Away ! summon our re- 
serves ! the bigotted regiments and capital despotic battal- 
lions of the yet unenlightened millions ! Ere yet the insti- 
tutions are purged by Statewright, ere yet the people do 
know that they are sovereigns of age, and no more need of 
regents, away ! wherever is a creature of ours, summon him 
in the extreme emergence 1 Away 1 

[Exeunt Henchmen. 

Bigot. Be it our comfort, the majority's yet 
Capitally unenlightened. 

Despot. Away, summon the majority and charge on State- 
wright. [Exeunt more Henchmen. 

Tagrag. Shipwright ! 

Despot. Either's death. 
Except by immediate shift we do revive, 
The popular waves of excitement in our favor. 



THE EULEHS OF THE KEPUBLIC. 65 

Summon Glorious Slievegammou ! and by the 
way, don^t omit to tell him to bring along his ingratiating 
clerk, Confidence Cropps. 

[Exeunt Henchmen. 

Truly we do need all the capital bull operators 
to haul at the lagging people in the perilous stranded con- 
dition that is threatened our political fortunes. 

Now arouse we to a last and master effort 
To ravish back the popular waves of triumph : 
Pull at the reins in sovereign fashion. 
And curb the people to obedience. 

[Enter Slievegammon the Great, and Confidence 
Cropps. 

Despot. Glorious Slievegammon, our chief confidence ! 
First Fisherman of state, great the occasion 
And present need of thee ! 

Slievegammon. Fair day, Lord Dictators ! 

Despot. Capital Slievegammon, first of great men to cre- 
afl prosperity, and, under apparent fair day, to draw in all the 
capital fish ! —but, first, how goes Hellgate Stake net ? 

Slievegammon. Up again. Lord Dictators ! and the capi- 
tal fish going in and out as usual, devilish pleased with our 
accommodating method of shaving them. 

Despot. Ornament to our government, great Slievegam- 
mon ! 
Affording measureless sly accommodation 
To the usual distressed fish, you must need know 
Ourselves are wrung in anguishing extreme. 

Slievegammon. Courage, Lord Dictators ! Here I am, 
Slievegammon. And what is more, here's Confidence 
Cropps, great genius of Hellgate. 

Bigot, So, you've raised the State nets again ! 



56 



excelsior; os. 



Slievegammon. Ay, Lord Dictator ! 

Bigot. The fish have regained confidence in Hellgate ? 

Slievegammon. Ay, thanks to Confidence Cropps, my in- 
gratiating clerk, here. 

Despot. Yet something like a capital we need, 
To consummate and complete great task of state, 
Otherwise open to the elements 
Craftily on look-out for all opportunity 
To invade man's handiwork with sudden ruin. 

Slievegammon. Not difficult to find that copstone, 
neither I 

Despot. What, glorious Slievegammon, bank president, 
and supreme ornament of our government ? 

Slievegammon. Profession ! Profession ! and always, 
whether in serene weather, or plaguy squall, still ingratiating 
Profession ; daily smoother phrase, as contracts the swift vor- 
tex, burying our shrieking victims beneath the secret 
waters. 

Bigot. Despot, that's it ! 

Despot. Ay, I understand him, offer the people the fl«wr- 
ers, but preserve the fruit to ourselves. 

Bigot. No doubt, that's it. Present the flower while 
monopolizing the fruit. 

Despot, Hence ! mix with the citizens 1 appear to agree 
with them, flatter and ease the rein, till they recover from 
their ill humor, when anon we may tighten the bridle again 
despotically, at will. 

A brazen face carry us through as hitherto ; 
And organization of our ignorant masses 
The million yet attached to us. 
Now, away ! away ! 
Last is your politician to delay ! 
Look bright like heaven to re-assure the day ; 



THE RULERS OF THE REPUBLIC. 57 

And swooping like an eagle from on high, 
Kavish applause and popular victory I 

[Exeunt Despot, Bigot, Slievegammon, and Cropps. 



CHAPTER III. 

Scene. The Egyptian Porch of one of the numerous State 
Prisons. Enter Alertia, Excelsior, Shipwright, and Rap- 
tured Sovereigns on one hand, and on the other the Keeper. 

Alertia. What are your prisoners in detention for ? 

Keeper. Some are incarcerated for witnesses. 

Alertia. Witnesses incarcerated ? 

Keeper. Ay, sir ; they have a capital hahit of locking up 
the witness and letting the guilty fellow go on his parole. 

Alertia. This beats cannibalism 1 That's justice, doing 
the right thing with a vengeance. Pluto, the especial 
enemy of favoritism, could lesson your partisan magistrate 
for you. Jailor, go on ! 

Keeper. A number more are up for drunkenness, sir. 

Alertia. Drunkards are made by bigotted State inventions, 
the oppression whereof drives everybody desperate who has 
the misfortune to fall under their infliction. 

Keeper. Some are in prison for bastardy. 

Excelsior. Imprisoned for bastardy ! what offence is that ? 

Keeper. 0, why they have been guilty of being the father 
or mother of a child without first asking permission of a 
magistrate or a priest. 

Excelsior. In other words, confined for being a father or 
mother without leave asked of despots and bigots. 

Keeper. Ay, sir I 



58 excelsior; ok, 

Alertia. Probably on the oath of an informer to gratify 
some malignant spite ? 

Keeper. Ay, usually, sir ! 

Excelsior. Is this America ? 

Keeper. Ay, it is generally considered so. 

Excelsior. Why, with permitting these horrors of your 
prison to overpower me too far, I did think I was in some 
remote wilderness, some dreadful cannibal region. And, 
jailor, what will they do to the man and the woman for being 
the one a father and the other a mother without permission 
"asked ? 

Keeper. "Why, send them up to hard labor for three 
months. 

Alertia. More cannibalism I 

Excelsior. How many convictions for bastardy have you 
in the year ? 

Keeper. Some seven hundred, sir. 

Excelsior. Pity the bigots and despots were not put up 
for bastardy, for there are no bastards in God's world, as I 
can see, but them, having blighted it pretty nearly all by 
their unnatural furnace inventions, from in the first place 
grasping up God's free soil, till the last act of the universal 
tragedy, persecuting poor unfortunate drunkards and fallen 
women into their graves by thousands annually. 

Alertia. What are you doing ? bigots would say. 

Excelsior. Madman, loosing all the vicious upon us, they'd 
reply ? 

Alertia. None so vicious as bigots aud despots, who refus- 
ing the natural sovereign rights to the population, create in 
all our cities a vast amount of desperation, which is the ne- 
cessary atmosphere of crime. 

Excelsior. Let Pharisaic bigots and despots go first to 
prison. 



THE RULERS OP THE REPUBLIC. 59 

Alertia. More reason in it, young Genei-al, than sending 
poor, ignorant, disfranchised, penniless creatures there. 

Excelsior. Let bigots and despots who trample sove- 
reign rights go first to prison, at least let them immediately 
give up harassing the rational passengers in Grod's raptured 
ship. No man or clique of men has any or can have any 
right above another to legislate. Majority cannot make law ! 
only God 1 He is the law-giver, and His first laws are love 
and light, or goodness and enlightenment that pharisaic 
bigots and despots trample on, and by so doing are the 
authors of all the desperation and crimes and miseries and 
misfortunes and perversions of the world hitherto. 

Alertia. Aj, G-eneral Excelsior ! 

Excelsior. And is it for bigots and despots that an en- 
lightened population shall be taxed to build prisons and in- 
carcerate poor, erring creatures who can all be corrected in 
advance, or presently, by enlightenment through a Kaptnrous, 
or Perfect Press ; through Rapturous Universities, otherwise 
Perfect Rational Churches of Nature's vital God, in active 
operation ; and above all, by opening up to all the world a 
future continued raptured prospect, such as respect for sove- 
reign rights of the people, equitable distribution of God's 
free ship by Enlightened Law exalted by acclamations of all 
the citizens. 

[Enter Enlightened First Officer or Guardian Sheriff 
of the People for the City and County. 

First Officer. Jailor, open the prison, and let all go free, 
except the robbers, murderers, and other criminals. The 
Sovereign People, by universal enlightened vote of acclama- 
tion, have so decided ; every unfortunate to be rooted and 
raptured, and let alone in the future, in lieu of pursued by 
State Undertakers and Blood-hounds. So open the Prison 
and let all go free. 



60 excelsior; or, 

[Exit Jailor, who presently returns with Grimm, 
Mastiff, Snarl, Keep ; then exit Jailor once more. 

Excelsior. 0, here are my late brutal nurses ! 

Alertia. Pretty ones, truly, to have the bringing up of a 
sovereign gentleman, the pattern type of the enlightened 
million. 

Grimm. Ha, petulant boy, by reason of your absconding 
we've been in prison the matter of a twelvemonth. All by 
your confounded running away, hang ye ! 

Excelsior. Why, how's that ? 

Keep. Charged by the jealous State Dictators with willful 
remissness and malfeasance in office, and sentenced to twelve 
months imprisonment. 

Mastiff. Truant, we demand of ye recompense for the 
scorns and sufferings endured on your account. 

Excelsior. Recompense 1 Gentlemen, vote the enlighten- 
ed platform, 
And enlightened law and government by acclaim, 
And do yourselves more infinite advantage 
Than ever T can for you ; even such good 
As you were corporally sheer raptured up 
To heaven and perfect sovereign state. 

Goimm. gracious ! pray let us hear more ! 

Mastiff. Why these strange banners and transparencies ? 

Alertia. They are enlightenments' brilliant insignia. 

•Statewright. You must know the People have thrown up 
demoralized parties, and gone universally into the enlighten- 
ed campaign to achieve their sovereign rights in earnest by 
Enlightened Law, ravishing Enlightened Government, inau- 
gurating Millennium, and Heaven's own kingdom, which we 
cannot doubt of being also Humanity's prime era. 

Grimm. pray you, let us hear more. 

Gen. Statewright. Gruff State Nurses, you aro at liberty 



THE KULERS OF THE RUPUBLTC. 61 

to go over to the State Dictators, and the yet poor deluded 
masses ; or to join the enlightened ranks of the Kapturous 
Sovereign citizens in Heaven's Kingdom or universal Dia- 
mond United States. Which will you do ? 

Grimm. Which ever will pay us the best. 

Statewright. Well, here, that you may the better judge, 
survey our enlightened Platform. 

[The G-ruff State Nurses con over the banners and 
transparencies. 

Eoocelsior. We accord Sovereign rights to all the raptur- 
ed People by Enlightened Law. 

Snarl. Sovereign rights, what are they ? 

Statewright. The Dictators only permit you to vote, and 
merely for a creature of their own. 

Mastiff". That's true ; not much to be got by that. 

Statewright. No, capital delusion, and, under all the mys- 
tery like a forest, harbor any quantity of state inventions to 
trip you up unawares, and appropriate stereotyped predatory 
State creatures to devour you individually in as sad a man- 
ner as sheep tore successively by the wolves from the folds 
and sacrificed away where none may know it. 

All the State JSurses. That's true again ! 

SONG. 

Hurrah 1 Platform enlightened 

And vote by acclamation 
Ravishing truth and right. 

Inaugurating Grod's heaven. 

Grimm. We were the gruff nurses of the capital boy 
there. Grod bless him ! the state Dauphin. 

Excelsior. Now, sovereign brother of the enlightened 



Statewright. Truly, we shall be no credit to you ; but, 



62 



excelsior; or, 



such as we are, brutal, yet lioping to amend, pray receive ua 
in your raptured ranks. 

[The State Nurses thereupon join the enlightened 
masses. Re-enter Jailor with HoUyoake and other 
ruined Tradesmen. Exit Jailor. 

Alertia. here's Mr. Hollyoake ! 

Excelsior. What were ye in for, Holyoake ? 

Alertia. Mr. Holyoake blushes. He does not like to tell. 

Excelsior. I'll speak for him. He was a victim of the 
State nets. 

[Re-enter Jailor with Novice and other ruined Merchants. 

Novice. By that little bit of a note with the collateral 
hook attached, Cropps got away all my property. 

Excelsior. "Who ? 

Novice. Confidence Cropps, cashier of Hell-gate Stake net 
and confederates. 

Alertia. And so in the vortex following the engulfment 
of your property, what with State Doctors and what with 
State Blood-hounds, you were sucked into this State Hell, 
and stereotyped bottomless horror, the invention of Wizards 
legislating for the masses, ignorant of God's own universally 
redeeming kingdom, inaugurated by Enlightened Law exalt- 
ed by universal acclamations. 

Novice. Ay, I confess. 

Excelsior. No more bigotted invention now at all. 
But Enlightened Law and Government of the whole, 
Rooting and rapturing the world entirely 
To spheres of unity and opulence. 
And universal harmony of the heavens. 

Novice. So I have heard. 

[Exeunt 



THE RULERS OF THE REPUBLIC. 63 



BOOK IV. 



CHAPTER I. 

One of The Decisive Battle Fields of the World. 
Enter General Statewright and field officers. Alertia, Ex- 
celsior, and others, leading Raptured Sovereign Millions, 
all in diamond uniform ; ranged under resplendent ban- 
ners of Enlightenment ; Sun in the centre wove into cloth 
of silver with an azure border, plentifully sprinkled with 
stars. 

[Enter a corps of mounted Videts.] 
Videt. The whole army of the bigots, led 
By the Lord Bigot and the Lord Despot, 
Is marching down upon you, General ! 

Gen. Shipwright. Good. The Raptured Sovereigns, citi- 
zens of heaven, impregnable by enlightenment, know how to 
meet them and answer them. 

Excelsior. True, General Statewright, I beg your pardon, 
General Shipwright, was your division of mankind into dev- 
ils or ignorant bigots and despots and their capitally deluded 
creatures, and into enlightened men or angels, and citizens 
of heaven. 

Gen. Shipwright. Gentlemen, though this is the latter 
half of the nineteenth century, tyranny bristling like thous- 
and frigid Alps, yet frowns defiance against God and realiza- 
tion of man's happiness in heaven on earth, millennium, com- 
plete rapturous enlightenment. 

From high and impregnable glorious 



C|4 excelsior; or, 

Enlightened height, soon as they appear, charge on 

Army of bigots and especially pick out 

Bigot and Despot. Their two leaders captured, 

Breaks up their incongruous aggregated force, 

And victory perches on our enlightened ensign, 

Certain as the day fills the sky with light, 

In spite of previous darkness of the night. 

[Enter more Videts on horseback.] 

2d Videt. G-eneral Statewright, the enemy approaches I 
Hark I [Roar of cannon heard. 

Gen. Shipioright. Order our enlightened army of 
Angels, or raptured citizens of heaven, 
To form in immediate glorious line. 
Opposite the enemy. 

Alertia. Ay 1 ay 1 General Shipwright. 

[To aid-de-camps, who exeunt. 

Excelsior. And having caught the leaders of the infatua- 
ted invaders of this Bigot's and Despot's Army, what do with 
them, General Shipwright ? 

Gen. Shipwright. Put Bigot in the perfect forge of rapture, 
So to improve him. 

Excelsior. It were the hardest feat to rapture Bigot. 

Gen. Shipwright. Still with the friction of rapturous cir- 
cumstance, 
Amend the ungenial tyrant. 

Excelsior. capital. General Shipwright, enlightened 
leader under Commander General Power ! But if this do 
fail, General Shipwright, then what ? 

Gen. Shipwright. From the forge to the anvil with sad 
Bigot, 
And hammer at him still with rapturous argument, 
To enlighten the ignorant dogged tyrant. 



THE RULERS OP THE REPUBLIC. 65 

Dictator Patron Bigot, 
By no means spare, half nnmscull and half tyrant; 
Despot made up of blighting ignorance, 
Feeling most opposite to enlightenment. 

[Exit more Videts of the Enlightened Army of Eap- 
tured Sovereign Citizens. 

Bd Videt. Not alone the two capital Dictators, Bigot and 
Despot, but all the State Forest is marching down attended 
by I do not know how many packs of the State Blood- 
hounds and bevies of the Mousing Ladies. 

Ath Videt. 0, Excelsior, how do ye do ? 

Excelsior. Capital, sir! Since my happy escape from State 
Castle, I have thriven amazingly. 

4th Videt. They've sent your former Gruff Nurses to the 
State Dungeon. 

Excelsior. I'm not sorry neither, but 0, alack, what 
wouldn't they do to the dear Goddess Alertia, if they could 
catch her, for removing the State bandages, stays and liga- 
tures ! 

4th Videt. Truly, I think they'd hang the goddess ? 

Excelsior. No doubt the State Dictators and all the leaders 
of Party, bear Liberty such a spite that they'd for ever 
crush her if they could. 

Gen. Shipwright. Come ! 

Charge on the army of the Bigots ! 

[Exeunt General Shipwright, Alertia, and Army of 
Eaptured Sovereign Millions. Enter Bigot and 
Despot, Tagrag, Bobtail, and camp retinue. 

Despot. I've set reward of twenty hundred dollars. 
Upon that capital villain Statewright's head 1 
Away, break through his ranks at any hazard, 
And capture the notorious turn-coat from 
Our party, leader of the raptured sovereigns. 



66 excelsior; or, 

Bigot. Devils and hell-hounds, friend Welcome Despot I 
Despot. Away, apprehend the recreant, Statewright, on 
some pretense or other. 
I am Despot, Head of State, 
And what care I for Shipwright ? 

To-grag. Little you need but that he is likewise State- 
wright. 

Despot. Statewright versus Despot and Bigot. 
Bigot. Arm 1 straightway arm I 
Despot. Slievegammon will find the sinews, 
So let the war proceed. Arm, arm, and on ! 

[Exit Slievegammon and presently re-enter with Con- 
fidence Cropps and clerks carrying the sinews of 
war, namely bags of gold and silver. 

[Bigot and Despot here spy Excelsior. 

Bigot. Ha, Excelsior ? 

Excelsior. Ay ! but none the better for you. 

Despot. Ungrateful boy ! have you no thanks to render 
us for your capital bringing up in State Castle ? 

Excelsior. Bigot and Despot, you led me a haggard life, 
and degraded my sovereign brothers with your hang-dog irk- 
ventions. 

Despot. We're your god-fathers, lad ! We stood sponsors 
at your christening ; and will you dare refuse us the first 
duty, obedience ? 

Excelsior. I never shall acknowledge ye. 
Abdicate, and withdraw to private life ! 
ne'er is cavern, how abhorred so e'er, 
As deu of robbers, or as haunt of bear, 
But even might shudder to bestow a harbor 
To ye, devourers of the People's hearthstones, 
By cannibal state inventions ! 



THE RULERS OE THE REPUBLIC. 6T 

Bigot. Tut! 

Despot. Sir, you shall go back with us to the capitol. 

Excelsior. Go back with ye, grim tyrants of State Castle ; 
Pursuers of unfortunate to their graves ; 
Who, by inventions, have your plundering hands 
In every man's pocket ; who, as regents, 
And capital wire-pullers of the reins of party, 
With infinite deceit, do rule America, 
And wrong our patient, magnanimous citizens ? 

Bigot. Hush, sir ! 

Despot. Shut up, boy. 

Excelsior. No, I shall expose thee, Bigot ! 
Thou corrupt heap unfit to appear in daylight I 

Despot. Something you owe us for your bringing up ! 

Excelsior. Nothing I owe you, but a haggard life * 
That like a rasp applied upon my conscience, 
Doth whet me to pursue you to the death. 
And giving up of your usurped estate 
In God's enlightened, magnetic ship. 

Despot. Back you shall, jackanapes ! 
Arrest him, fuglemen ! 

Excelsior. Beware ! you approach me on your peril. 

[Excelsior draws pistol. 

Bigot. Despot, he has not paid us for his boardbill. 

Despot. Arrest him for an absconding debtor, ho I 

[Excelsior blows whistle. 

[Enter Alertia and Raptured Sovereign youth.] 

ALertia. Hold 1 we shall let you know that you are not 
all the world yet, as in your iniquitous elevation you have 
often imagined yourselves. 

Despot. Who art thou like Joan of Arc ? 

Alertia. Alertia, who recovered the State Minor from your 
unworthy guard. 



68 bxcelsior; oe, 

Despot. Curses upon you 1 

Alertia. Land grabbers that you are, you have every 
young man in America farmed out. 

Excelsior. You are Politicians ! O'ockeys of the deluded 
people looking to you. 

Bigot. Stop, petulant boy ! Where did you learn such 
manners, that you have lost all respect for our revered tra- 
ditions ? 

Excelsior. I learnt these royal manners from my Sover- 
eign brothers ! 

Alertia. Welcome Despot, and Patron Bigot, you arc but 
politicians or jockeys of the deluded people looking to you. 

Despot. 0, won't I ride you yet for this ! 

Excelsior. Must n't it be a capital subject that wants a 
rider ? 

Alertia. Know, sir, that the Sovereign People, woke to 
their sovereign rights, have resolved to throw our riders. 

Despot. I'm Welcome Despot, and where's another man 
so capable to control the masses ? 

Excelsior. We know you're Despot, but no more Wel- 
come. 

Novice. Welcome's beautiful word. Wonder how it ever 
got allied to Despot ! 

[Exit Despot and addresses the masses. 

Alertia. Ah, sir, you don't know the capital political craft 
and statesmanship of party Dictators. You cannot dream of 
the innumerable wires that they have at work interlacing the 
country, insomuch it is hitherto but a puppet in their hands. 

Excelsior. See Welcome Despot, most grandiloquent. 
With cheeks blown out like trumpet, now harangues 
The unenlightened masses. 

Bigot. Excelsior, as your capital guardian from your birth 
upward, I command you to now go back to State Castle. 



am HEIR APPARENT. 69 

[Enter the Mousing Ladies of State Chateaux and 
the Wizards of Artful Devices, meeting. 
Isi Mousing Lady. Hail, our husbands, beaux and lovers. 
1st Wizard. Looking capitally, after our own and your 
interests in State Waters and State Forests. 

All the Wizards. Ha, welcome, our capital ladies of the 
State Chateaux; Ha, ha, ha ! welcome I 

[The Wizards of Artful Devices and the Mousing 

Ladies of State Chateaux embrace. 
[Enter the offspring of the Wizards, to wit, the State 
Doctors, State Fishermen, &c. They present a 
considerably ruffled and trepidating demeanor, the 
haggard air of a forest during a furious storm, indi- 
cating a period of great alarm. Excelsior freely 
criticises his former masters, to which Novice listens 
with breathless attention. 

Excelsior. See, the Mousing Ladies of the State Cha- 
teaux ; the State Doctors and Undertakers ; the State Fish- 
ermen ; the countless State Sponges. 

Alertia. Alias, grantees, alias, Favorites, monopolists, 
epeculators, and all that, and what not more. See, the exor- 
bitant heirs of Roman and British statecraft, who put God 
out of His own world ; ruling it by endless rent and tax in- 
ventions in lieu of Enlightened Law and Government, the 
most profitable conditions for all mankind without exception. 
See all Mongers of endless rent and tax inventions, import- 
ed of cannibal tyrants of Europe, endorsed in Pharisaic 
shops, to supplant God's Glorious Enlightened Law, and 
when, in fact, God never meant Law or Justice for sale ; but 
by His own enlightened court, self-supporting, to procure Per- 
fection at the start, creating everybody their own landlord by 
rent in instalments. See at the two State Dictators, the 



70 excelsior; or, 

head of all Bigots and Despots who cajole and lead the nn- 
enlightened majority or the yet deluded million. 
Enter Despot and Slievegammon. 

Despot. hang them ! they're indifferent to me 1 

Bigot. How now ; what's the matter ? 

Slievegammon. All the Millions are gone over. 

Despot. To Statewright I 

Slievegammon. They're tired of mere words ; and as they 
say, will take nothing less than sovereign rights and raptured 
prospects. 

Despot. Statewright has taught them so much. Hang 
him ! 

Bigot. bethink we, Welcome Despot, how now to spoil 
the popular raptures and disenchant the people of inconvenient 
thoughts of sovereignty in individual possession ! 

Despot. Tagrag ! 
Telegraph to off with thousand heads of office-holders. 
D'ye hear, a thousand heads 1 

Tagrag. Ay, Lord Dictator ! [Exit Tagrag. 

Despot. A thousand heads struck off, 
Will assure compliance and obedience. 

Bigot. Ornament of our government, glorious Slievegam- 
mon, away, and try profession once more ! 

Slievegammon. Aj, Profession, the politician's ladder to 
attain the heaven of power. I'll try it on the People, and a 
bribe on Statewright. 

Bigot. Do ! 

Despot. No fear, if we'd Statewright won over. Go I we 
do impatiently await your return ! [Exeunt. 

Bigot. Back to State Castle, sirrah ! 

Excelsior. Away, Bigot ! 
Thou covert heap of corruption ! 

Bigot. Back to State Castle, saucy puppy, I say I 



THE HEIR APPARENT. 71 

Excelsior. Patron Bigot, away ! 
Thou withering tyranny, and deadly plague ; 
Ignorant like original savage ; a mad dog 
Of bigotry, scandalizing the enlightened age I 

Bigot. Brat, brat ! Ha, once I get thee back in State 
Castle, I'll teach thee better manners. 

Excelsior. Renounce Pharisaic inventions. Mousing La- 
dies, State Doctors and Undertakers and all unprofitable heir- 
looms of Rome. 

Bigot. Tagrag, ho, a whip ! Ho, Bobtail, a cane to les- 
son a puppy. 

' [Flies about, but ultimately exhausted with his pas- 
sion, sinks down, ludicrous with mingled rage and 
imbecility.] 
Excelsior. Uphold Rapturous Universities, or God of Na- 
ture's Church, School, and College combined, for the whole 
People ; People's Sovereign rights, guarantied by Enlight- 
ened Law ; Honorable Directors of Enlightened Court of the 
County, self-supporting; First Officer or Guardian of the 
County, in lieu of levying Sheriff; Profitable Lawyers of 
United Citizens in great measure ; all which the Sovereign 
People get by Enlightened Law. 

[Despot, here chafed too intolerably, stands up for 
Bigot, who has gone under and sank powerless in- 
to a chair, exclaims,] 
Despot. Hang Statewright for misteaching you ! Convey 
him my challenge to meet me, otherwise I publish him a 
coward. 

[Pulls out a pistol and strides hither and thither as 
if awaiting his opponent.] 
Excelsior. Challenge I Why challenge now ? Why 
did not you answer General Shipwright when he challenged 



72 excelsior; ob, 

every public man in Europe, British Empire, and in America 
to make reply, or put in any valid reason why the Enlight- 
ened Law, inaugurating Enlightened Grovernment, otherwise 
God's kingdom, mankind's Diamond Union, should not be 
exalted by universal acclamations of all the citizens. 

[Roll of drums I Cry of alarm in the camp. Bigot 
and Despot and their retainers fly in consternation. 
Thereupon start to rejoin their comrades, Alertia, 
Excelsior, and Raptured Sovereigns.] 



CHAPTER II. 



i 



Enter Heralds of the Enlightened Militia, headed by Aler- 
tia and by General Shipwright and Raptured Sovereigns. 

1st HeraM. Declare the end of the foreign hereditary and 
inherited traditions, so agreeable to the Dictators. An- 
nounce the beginning of the reign of Enlightenment, inaug- 
urating Enlightened Law and Government. 

[Heralds read the Enlightened platform. 

2d Herald. Enlightened Law accords universal sovereign 
rights, and raptures all the citizens. 

Sd Herald. With immeasurable trade and business. 

iih Herald. With universal marriages at ecstatic sixteen, 
and babies by the dozen. 

5th Herald. And guarantees Plenty's horn emptied out 
on every sovereign man's hearthstone. 

SONG. 

Hurrah ! Hurrah ! 
Sovereign Liberty f 



THE HEIR APPARBNT. 73 

Free beauteous fruit 

Of Enlightened Unity ! 

Hurrah ! Hurrah ! 

Down, State Dictators, every usurping tyrant ! 

Down, too, Parties, creatures foreign and exorbitant ! 

[The Militia join the Kaptured Sovereigns singing 
the subjoined 

SONG. 

Hurrah ! Hurrah ! 

The Enlightened Law 1 

Grlorioiis government of the whole ! 

Heaven's own diamond rule ! 

Glorious, glorious, glorious government of the whole 1 

Alertia. Now you know Pharisaic shops are the frigid 
Roman derived antipodes of Grod and Enlightenment, and 
Enlightened Law and Government, and universal sovereign 
rights, and vote by acclamation of all the citizens ? 

1st Rapt. Sov. We believe it. 

And therefore ignore Pharisaic shops in future. 

2e? Rapt. Sov. Discharging representatives, we vote our- 
selves the glorious Enlightened Law, creating every man his 
own landlord by rent in instalments. 

Alertia. Now you know vigilance is the price of Liberty. 
Without it, crept by tiger stratagems and serpent shifts, poli- 
ticians in Pharisaic shops, who appropriated the People's sov- 
ereign advantages to subserve their mercenary political 
ends ! 

1st Rapt. Sov. Yes, in ravishing view of Enlightened Law 
and Government, God's kingdom ; we can see that America 
has hitherto been only as an abject carcass for the ravenous 
bitds of prey that haunt the mountain fastnesses of capitols 
and city halls ; exorbitant invention derived from Europe, 



74 excelsior; or, 

and perfectly needless after a few years of enlightenment in 
Rapturous Universities, with sovereign rights accorded the 
people, ravishing perfect law and government for everybody 
without exception. 

Gen. Statewright. Hail, Sovereign Americans, who have 
renounced party banners, that distracted yonr country and 
surrendered it up a prey to State Dictators, to State Doctors, 
Mousing Ladies, and endless bigoted inventions and exorbi- 
tant ministers as Rhadamanthus I 

l5^ Rapt. Sov. Hurrah I the people capitally enh'ghtened 
and united. 

2c? Rapt. Sov. General Statewright, sir, you do elevate 
our hopes, like the sun ascending the ecliptic to institute in- 
numerable raptured summer and autumn after a time of 
terrible haggard winter. 

Gen. Statewright. Now you know, any organization of 
the people other than that of the Enlightened Law and 
Government, God's kingdom, is a haggard piece of machinery 
operating for their own capital destruction. 

1st Rapt. Sov. Hurrah, a Mass-meeting for the annexation 
of Cuba, Mexico, Central America, and all the rest of creation. 

Gen. Shipwright. Gentlemen, sovereign voters, you can 
annex the world to America by ravishing it; by achieving 
sovereign rights on this rapturous enlightened platform. If 
you first compass sovereign rights for yourself, Europe and 
British Empire will not be slow to follow your particular en- 
lightened example. So, without an effort of war or intrigue, 
will all the world fly in your arms, if you will open them ; 
that is, if you will ravish Paradise at home, which, like a 
rapturous pattern, will pave the way for it abroad. If you'll 
vote your&elves to sit serenely down, pay rent to the value 
and a fair profit over, and the property is yours in future ; 



THE HEIR APPARENT. 76 

and no wolves of state to howl at your door, or hariow you 
out of the raptured foothold in God's ship. 

1st Citizen. Hurrah ! 

'Tis devilish good counsel. 

2d Citizen. capital flattery of General Statewright 
That ravishes everybody a freehold lot. 

3d Citizen. Politicians 

Do make great capital of flattery. 
But here is flattery in heavenly earnest; 
Not mere spring flowers, substantial autumn fruit. 

1st Citizen. Let us take Statewright's advice, sit serene- 
ly down and so forth. 

Gen. Shipivright. Gentlemen, to realize it, you must vote 
politicians to oblivion. 

1st Citizen. N ever fear 1 

2g? Citizen. We'll vote the Enlightened Law, or nothing. 

[Enter Messenger. 

Mess. The leaders of Party are stranded high and dry. 
They have not left a voter at the polls; all the enlightened 
millions in city and country unanimous to simultaneously 
vote the Enlightened Law and Government, rooting every- 
body, rapturing everybody, adding immeasurably to trade, 
distributing population without crowding, multiplying mar- 
riages and babies, working to every one's content, indeed. 
[Enter Tagrag.] 

Tagrag. fie, Shipwright, 

Would you deprive the people of their mother, 
That, though notorious Pharisee, yet, at least 
Has been their capital dam and foster hitherto.' 

Gen. Shipwright. Nothing of the sort. Who goes to 
legislature for aught ? No one, but its ov/n self-seeking 
creatures ! 



76 EXOBLsioa; or, 

Tagrag. Why, without the capital Gordian knot of legis* 
lature, the people would all divide, split, and go asunder. 

Gen. Shipwright. No, sir, but immediately fall under 
The raptured Enlightened Law of G-od 
That shames invention of Pharisaic shop. 

SONG. 

[By Gen. Shipwright and Raptured Sovereign Citizens. 

1. 

"What the People need 

Is not alone to vote, 

But a raptured lot 

In God's enlightened ship ; 
But a raptured lot 
In God's enlightened ship. 

2. 

And what can prevent, 

If, by united vote, 

Like omnipotent. 

They agree to legislate 

To ravish heaven and God ; 
They agree to legislate. 
To ravish heaven and God. 

[Enter Slievegammon.] 

Gen. Shipwright. Welcome, Mr. Slievegammon, to the 
camp of the Raptured Sovereign Citizens. 

Slievegammon. What grounds do you go on. State wright, 
in your restive unreasonable opposition to my excellent Lords 
Bigot and Despot ? 

Gen. Shipwright. On the capital grounds, sir, that it is 
the infinitest best thing, for the whole is Enlightened Law 



THE HEIR APPARENT. 77 

which aids everybody to a foundation ; roots them, in brief, 
as you'd trees or shrubs, to grow up undisturbed, whether by 
harrowing sheriffs, or other ivolvish stereotyped creatures of 
despotic and profitless state. 

Slievegammon. Aid everybody to a foundation V root 
them, d'ye say ? 

Gen. Shipwright. Ay ! Mr. Slievegammon. 

Excelsior. So we broaden the state, so we rapture it I so 
we do secure it, like the continent, against an eternity of 
accidents. 

Slievegammon. The State is Capitols, and City Halls, and 
Banks, and all the Institutions, even to Prisons and Alms- 
houses. 

Gen. Shipwright. No, sir, it's Sovereign Peoples duly 
enlightened, and, consequently, united. 

Slievegammon. Peoples ! 'Tis 

Gothic invasion of ideas. 

Gen. Shipwright. No I 

The enlightened people, who, by Enlightened Law, 
Are Kaptured Sovereigns, with royal birthrights 
Are even no less than highest State imaginable. 

Vainly you plead, eloquent Mr. Slievegammon. 

The age is weary of profession 
Of humbugs and inhuman shams of government, 
Law, and what not. Law, did I call it ? Fleecing inven- 
tion ! Infamous bigot plague ! 
Now is the age of enlightenment, sovereign truth ; 
Therefore absurd thy interested entreaty. 

The world draws near its glorious meridian, 
When Enlightened Law and Government, God's kingdom, 
Will rapture it entire like orbs of heaven 
That severally fulfill enlightened sphere 
Without collision, any jar whatever. 



78 excelsior; or, 

[Enter Confidence Cropps.] 

Confidence Cropps. Mr. Statewright. 

Gen. Shipvrright. Well ? 

Confidence Cropps. I beg your pardon, General State- 
wright. The party has taken your secession sore to heart, 
and to recover you back, commissions me to make proposal 
to you of a capital office, the coUectorship. 

Slievegammon. Hurrah ! I knew they loved the Gen- 
eral. 

Confidence Cropps. O, General Statewright, you can't 
refuse. 

Gen. Shipwright. Really, Messrs. Slievegammon and 
Confidence Cropps, being it is out of my line of utility, what 
would be the use of it ? 

Slievegammon. The party will run you for President. 
Come now, General Statewright, you must really drop lead- 
ing these Raptured Sovereigns, and let us put you in the 
race for the White House. 

Gen. Shipwright. You know, I can't. I stand commit- 
ted alone to our country, or, rather to the entire Sovereign 
Citizens, to accomplish 'their diamond unity and heavenly 
glory by Enlightened Law, in comparison with which the 
White House and the Presidency are neither any object. 

Slievegammon. Come, General. 

Gen. Shipwright. President Slievegammon, you know, 
I can't. 

Slievegammon. He refuses ! ! it is my death I 

[Slievegammon claps a pistol to his temple. 

Gen. Shipicright. 0, Mr. Slievegammon, don't ! Hold I 
present not your hand against your life. 

Confidence Cropps. Help, ho ! Hon, Mr. Patron Bigot, 
ho, help I 



THE HEIR APPARENT. 79 

SHevegammon. He won't come over ! StatewrigM won't. 
I'm in despair ! 0, I am drove to the verge of suicide, by 
the G-eneral's unkind refusaL I declare, I'll do it. I can- 
not help killing myself. 

Gen. Shipwright. fie, President ! Don't level a wea- 
pon at your own life and fountain head. 

SHevegammon. Now, if you won't rejoin our party, my 
dear Statewright, in my disappointment, I'll do something 
will damn us both. 

Confidence Cropps. 0, Mr. SHevegammon, don't ! Think 
of Hellgate \ of the shareholders, and among them Greneral 
State wright. 

Gen. Shipwright. SHevegammon, do not kill yourself for 
me, man. I am not worthy of the sacrifice. 

SHevegammon. You are 1 giorious Statewright ! I 
swear it 1 

Confidetice Cropps. Why, G-eneral Statewright, my fine 
fellow, our party is going to run you for the White House. 
You join us, we'll dine you, we'll fete you, we'll spend a 
round million in the contest, but will have you. first Magis- 
trate of the Republic. 

Gen. Shipwright. Really, Mr. Confidence Cropps, I can't I 

[Immediately, SHevegammon exclaims yet more des- 
perately. 

Confidence Cropps. 0, General Statewright, pity Hell- 
gate Bank. Do not refuse, Mr. SHevegammon — come join 
our party ! 

Gen. Shipwright. I would, but I'm now an enlightened 
patriot, devoted all to country. 

Confidence Cropps. O, pity Mr. Slievegammoa's family I 
He'll do it ! 

rSlievegammon claps the pistol to his temple again. 



80 exoelsioe; or, 

Gen. Shipwright. My dear sir, don't, don't kill yourself 
for me. 

Confidence Crqpps. He can't help but kill himself, being 
you are such capital loss to the party ! O, State-wTight, re- 
cant ! sir ! 

Slievegamynon. Farewell, General ! 

Gen. Shipwright. Mr. Slievegammon, are you serious, 
though ? 

Slievegammon. Refuse me, and I can't survive it, State- 
■wright. 

Gen. Shipwright. Mr. Slievegammon, I really can't join 
any more parties, being they are incendiaries to country. 

Slievegammon. 0, then, farewell. Confidence 1 Adieu, 
you too, — ungrateful General 1 

[Slievegammon fires, and falls to the earth an ap- 
parent corpse. 

Confidence Cropps. 0, he has done it ! as I said he 
would 1 

Ge7i. Shipwright. Reckless gentleman ! 

[Exeunt bearing Slievegammon, 



CHAPTER III. 



Scene. Camp of the Black Republican Cabal. The Lord 
Regents, Patron Bigot and "Welcome Despot in conference. 

Bigot. What's this, a corpse brought hither? what, a 
bleeding man ? 

Despot. Strange ! who is it ? Confidence Cropps, I say, 
whom have ye there ? 

Bigot. Speak, Confidence ! Where's Mr. Slievegammon ? 



THE HEIR APPARENT. 81 

Despot. Speak, Confidence Cropps ! Where's the Presi- 
dent of Hell-gate hank ? whom have ye there ? 

Cropps Our chief, Honorahle Dictators, hut in a very low 
condition ; indeed, dying, I fear. 

[Removes the cloak, concealing Slievegammon's corpse. 

Bigot. 0, President of Hell-gate ! Ornament of our gov- 
ernment, 
How came ye wounded ! 0, I fear, foul play, 
At violent hands of Caitiff Statewright ! 

Despot. "What's the report ? 

Slievegammon. Confidence, you speak, -and puhlish the 
whole sad story to the honorable Dictators, 

Cropps. Tho' Mr. Slievegammon, most magnanimously 
gave himself a sacrifice ; and wrought himself up so in his 
phrenzied entreaties to bring over Statewright, that forget- 
ting what was due to himself, he drew forth a pistol, and, in 
his desperate endeavors to do you good service, grazed his 
ornamental scalp with an infernal bullet. 

Despot. Ha ! ha I ha 1 ha ! 

Bigot. 0, Mr. Slievegammon ! 

Slievegammon. Yes ! I'll do anything to serve you, hon- 
orable Dictators ! 

Despot. Ha ! ha ! ha I 

Bigot. But to attempt your life. 

Despot. Devilish zealous, i' faith ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! "Well I 
But how of Statewright ? Won ye him o'er yet, President ? 

Bigot. A.J, how of Statewright ? Glorious Slievegammon 
mastered ye him by your supremest performance ? 

Slievegammon. 0, that's the sore which smarts and kills 
all pleasure. 
To my ambitious body else ! 

Despot. What? 

Slievegammon. Speak, Confidence Cropps ! 



82 excelsiob; oSj 

Cropps. Alas, he hath not, 
Though in self-sacrificing zeal he spilled his blood. 

Despot. Hang Statewright or Shipwright I 

Bigot. A renegade ! 

Despot. Bigot, all my capital lances are broken in the 
joust against victorious Statewright, yet with no perceivable 
benefit to us ! 

Bigot. What shall be done ? 

Despot. Why, forward, charge, and die like brave men in 
the breech. 

Bigot. I'm loath! I'm loath ! 
Yet, if I do stay here, 'tis no less death. 
Forward and charge ! 

Despot. At least we'll do some exemplary slaughter ; 
And, at the worst, we can but die in armor. 
An honorable death, by my faith. On, charge ! 

[Exeunt, spurring their horses at utmost speed, fol- 
lowed at heels by inevitable Tagrag and Bobtail, 
and their other numerous retainers. 



1 



CHAPTER IV. 

Camp of the Universal Sovereign Citizens. Shipwright, 
Alertia, and Excelsior in conversation. 

Enter Despot, Bigot, Tagrag, Bobtail, and a large retinue 
on horseback. 

Bigot. Ha, ye villain. Shipwright ! Have at ye I 
Despot. Statewright, ye caitiff, ye've destroyed us I I 



THE HEIR APPARENT. 83 

hold ye to answer with your Jife for our undoing. Draw, 
men, and each baptize his maiden sword in the black and 
heretic blood of the traitor ! 

[Draw swords, and rush at Shipwright. Immedi- 
ately enter Raptured Sovereigns, who surround 
and disarm Despot, Bigot, and their retainers 

[Exeunt stealthily Tagrag and Bobtail. 

Gen. Shipwright. Mr. Despot, and gentlemen, what rea- 
sons have you for conceiving me your enemy ? 

Despot. You have ruined us I Hang you ! 

Alertia. Raptured you into heaven, rather. 

Gen. Shipwright. Gentlemen, the enlightened people have 
come to know 

Despot. And what have the People come to know ? 

Gen. Shipwright. That there can be no government with- 
out tyranny, which is not voted by the universal acclama- 
tion of all the citizens, male and female, duly enlightened in 
advance as to their best interests. 

Despot and Bigot. 0, sham and humbug ! 

Gen. Shipwright. Now they know it and have voted the 
Enlightened Law, that roots everybody, raptures everybody, 
and realizes perfectly Jefferson's raptured prophetic wish, 
liberty, the pursuit of happiness, my interpretation whereof 
is, everybody sovereign alike, and happily united with every- 
body else in Diamond Republic of the future. 

Despot. And voted it, too ? Then I'm misinformed I 
What, so precipitately come to this ? I spy deceit ! 

Gen. Shipwright. None in Enlightened Law and Govern- 
ment, I assure you. 

Despot. Tagrag, ho ! Bobtail, ho ! 

Henchman. Honorable Dictators, they both suddenly dis- 
appeared during the fight. 



84 excelsioe; or, 

Despot. Ah, the rascals ! They've embezzled all the fands 
remaining in our treasury under pretense of purchasing votes. 

Bigot. Hang them ! 

Despot. Bigot, we're distanced, left behind, that's evi- 
dent I 

Bigot. I'll hang myself. Despot ! 

Despot. Citizens raptured together ? why, then, dead is 
party I 

Gen. Shipwright. To be sure I Who'd wish to see it 
live ? A serpent entirely ! 

Despot. Bigot, d'ye hear ? 

Bigot. 0, I'm sick, and like a stagnant pool only conceive 
monsters, asps, and venomous things, that sting my soul like 
a livid plague spot, threatening death and rapid putridity ! 

Despot. Bigot's a melancholy dog. 

Bigot. I'll go mad, mad 1 

Despot. Evidently ! 

Gen. Shipwright. Gentlemen, it is all, now. Diamond 
America, Diamond Union, Diamond United States, about to 
ravish Europe and British Empire into its enlightened open 
arms. 

[Bigot hangs his head and appears disposed to slope 
precipitately. 

Despot. Mr. Patron Bigot ! 

Bigot. I 

Despot. Mr. Patron Bigot ! I say, Mr. Bigot ! 

[Bigot dashes off hanging his head like a whipped 
dog. 
Follow Bigot, and lead him home, he'll else stray in the 
fields and probably lose himself for many wretched days. 
Follow Bigot ! coax the haggard gentleman home to bed. 

Gen. Shipwright. To immediately court dewy sleep, 
Nature's great bath, repairing heart and hope. 



THE HEIR APPARENT. 85 

[Thereupon exeunt Henchmen, to seek out and look 
after Patron Bigot. 

Gen. Shipwright. The State Chateaux to he auctioned off, 
except one Enlightened Court of the County, accomplishing 
Celestial Justice, inaugurating rapturons Social Perfection. 

Despot. ho, ho, ho, ho 1 a pretty thing I 

Gen. Shifwright. Ay, sir, what a pretty thing it was to 
follow justice with Crafty Devices through innumerable State 
Chateaux, making suit ; everlasting, life-long, weary suit ; 
suit for justice at a loss of other business ; at sacrifice of do- 
mestic quiet and happiness ; at infinite risk of being swept 
to perdition after all for tampering with dangerous inven- 
tions of State Bigots and Despots : I say, a pretty thing it 
was to prosecute Justice through State Labyrinths, when Jus- 
tice was at every sovereign man's door, there created as a 
first sacred right by G-od ; and in fulfillment of that enlight- 
ened belief, sir, the omnipotent united People have voted in 
every county an enlightened First Civil Officer, or GTuardian 
of population, like the Angel of the Lord, to estop crafty 
leakages in God's ship, to wit : compulsory taxes and levies, 
voluntary contributions for a police and fire department alone 
needed in future. 

Des;pGt. To estop taxes and levies. Shipwright ? 

Gen. Shipwright. Ay, sir, and to see that every man be- 
comes his own landlord by Enlightened Law, decreeing rent 
in instalments to buy the property. Title deeds for the mil- 
lions will find profitable work for our Lawyers of United 
Citizens in great measure. 

Despot. Profitable Lawyers of United Citizens, Ship- 
wright ? that's a coup takes my breath away. I'm no 
more Despot. 

Gen. Shipvrright. The Enlightened Court of the County 
absorbs, utilizes, and gives the quietus to State Invention 



oo excelsior; or, 

Courts, the hitherto stereotyped labyrinths of uuiversal Ty- 
rants, and thereby population grows infinitely numerous, 
prosperous, happy, and opulent, whereby, with your bigoted 
devices of endless rent and taxation shelved, the world has 
beautifnlly fallen under the diamond — 

Des'^ot, Stop, Shipwright ! 

Gen. Shipwright. Enlightened Grovernment, all rent to — ^ 

Despot. Shipwright ! Enough revelation at present. 

Gen. Shiptvright. Buy the property, inaugurating a vital 
union, where now is an incoherent rope of sand ; rooting all 
the world down broadly, so elevating all mankind up raptu- 
rously in boundless unity and harmony with universal rap- 
tured grandeur like heaven's immeasurable diamond arch ; 
everywhere Universe Cities with endless raptured sub- 
urbs ; no more rotting poor in back streets, but the Lord's 
enlightened Paradise all throughout city and country. 

Despot. enough said ! You're Statewright ! there's no 
disputing I 

Gen. Shipwright. Now, sir, where's the public man who 
dare come forward and render himself for ever infamous by 
opposing the Enlightened Law and Government about to be 
inaugurated ? 

Excelsior. Dare you, Mr. Despot ? 

Despot. 0, don't, now, name me Despot 1 Fie, sir, if I'm 
Despot unfortunately named, I'm not despot, by any means, 
in intention. No, I'm Welcome, as my surname denotes I 
No man was hitherto so popular with the masses, since Her- 
cules by his bravery in action first ravished the world's ad- 
miration. 

Excelsior. 0, that's because you blustered, 
And did like Boreas agitate the waters 
In love with excitement I 

Despot. Ay, truly. 



THE HEIR APPARENT. 87 

Excelsior. But the people have exalted Enlightened Law, 
which achieves them a securely elevated and social condition, 
like heaven and God's own kingdom. 

Alertia. Hail, sovereign brother, Mr., what's the good 
gentleman's name ? 

Excelsior. Despot ! 

Despot. No Despot in Diamond Kepuhlic, or united bro- 
therhood. I can give you another name than that ? 

Excelsior. Welcome ! 

Despot. Ah, that's it 1 I'll drop Despot and keep hold of 
Welcome. 

Alertia. Hail, Mr. Welcome ! We hope, welcome addi- 
tion in beautiful Millennium, 

Despot. Well, gentlemen, I'll come into the Diamond 
Union-, into your united brotherhood. Shake hands with 
ye, if ye please. [All thereupon shake hands. 

[Enter Foreman of Mechanics.] 

Good news, I guess, foreman, by your merry sunlit face. 

Foreman. 0, the orders, that are come in, Mr. Welcome 
Despot ! 

Despot. No more Despot, but Welcome ! 

Foreman. Welcome, certainly, orders enough now com- 
ing in ! 

Despot. Then employ more workmen, and pay them better 
whom I have already in employment. 

Foreman. Ay, Mr. Welcome ! [Exit Foreman. 

Despot. Truly this is Millennium. Thanks, Statewright. 
There's my card, visit me anon. A useful, private business 
citizen is hundred times better than a needless, busy-body of 
a politician. Good day to all. 

[Exit Mr. Welcome, previously Dictator Despot. 

. [Enter the Swooping Ladies of the State Chateaux.] 



09 excelsior; ob, 

1st Swooping Lady. Statewright, sir, we take great ex- 
ception to the appellation of Swooping Ladies, that you do 
so pertinaciously bestow ns. 

Gen. Statewright. Why, gentlemen, what other name would 
be suitable, sitting as you do in Grod's place, and acting on 
bigoted devices, in lieu of the Enlightened Law for the 
whole. 

2d Swooping Ladj/. Statewright, sir, sir, sir; we boast 
a descent through seventy centuries ; we even survived un- 
scathed the Revolution, that drove out the tyrant Greorge. 

Is* Swooping Lady. Statewright, sir, sir, sir, beware ! 
We're severally a tower of respect. 

Gen. Statewright, In hitherto bigotted time, I grant you, 
but not in future enlightened Millennium. 

\st Swooping Lady. Terror environs us like Arctic zone, 
That periodically lays his scourge of winter 
Upon the earth and her corruptions ; 
Freezing it up in shivering hurry. 

2c? Swooping Lady. So, in fact, Statewright, you must 
show us more respect. 

Gen. Shipwright. What respect are you entitled to ? 
you, who in numerous cases, sign your name to judgments, 
and ignorant of their contents, or, at least, of the frequent 
unfair influences whereby obtained ; judgments to wipe out 
families, and sweep them from a habitation in God's raptured 
earth, and that, too, when it is not Grod's idea to have a judg- 
ment in His enlightened world, but rather to have it regula- 
ted perfect at the start, according to His own glorious 
arrangements ; the highest type. Enlightened Law, rapturing 
entirely up in heaven. 

[Enter jubilant citizens,] 

Citizens. It is voted. It is voted ! The Enlightened 
Law, the glorious law accomplishing the enlightened change 



THE HEIR APPARENT. »» 

of all haggard, old, chaotic things into sunsliine, new and 
everlasting, complete, celestial. 

1st Rapt. Sov. The Enlightened Law and Government for 
the whole, by universal acclaim of enlightened millions, citi- 
zens of a Diamond Union. 

SON a. 
[By Gen. Shipwright and Kaptured Citizens.] 
Hurrah I Hurrah ! 
Inaugurated by general vote, 

The Enlightened Law ! 
The great law to create ! 

Even the law of perfect type, 
Elevating all the world ^o heaven and God I 
Unto individual sovereign state. 
Into unity like light ; 
Kingly opulence, all things complete, 
In united brotherhood, 
Liberal and broad ; 
Glorious free league of trade. 
Hurrah I Hurrah ! 
[Enter more jubilant Citizeas. 
Sd Citizen. Upon the exaltation of Enlightened Law, all 
plagued things have gone to oblivion, and, among them, the 
authors of endless rent and tax inventions, and other impov- 
erishing devices, the Wizards. 

1st Swooping Lady. O, that's our husbands ! 
2d Swooping Lady. Hence ! Away, and take our last 
affectionate look at the immemorial State Chateaux. 

Gen. Shipwright. Adieu, gentlemen ! You are hence- 
forth either Honorable Directors of Enlightened Court of 
the County, instituting Heaven's kingdom, a Diamond 
Union, or you are nobodies. 

[Thereupon precipitately exeunt the Swooping Ladies. 



90 excelsior; ob, 



BOOK y. 



CHAP TEE T. 

A VACANT room in the State Chateaux. On the rostrum the 
Hawking or Mousing Ladies, seated, motionless as stones, 
petrified like Niobe in grief. 

1st Mousing Lady. Vandals, what are you come hither 
to do? 

Excelsior. To auction oif this State Chateaux, the Enlight- 
ened Court of the County having been found to be self-sup- 
porting. 

Mousing Ladies. Away ! G-oths and Huns ! Let us 
alone ! 

Excelsior. What enchantment chains you to the diaboli- 
cal place ? No more is this the House of the Damned, the 
shambles to sacrifice the victims of Bigoted Devices, manu- 
factured by the Wizards of unenlightened majority, over- 
riding God's Enlightened Law, ending Rome and her 
daughter Christendom, and inaugurating God's glorious 
kingdom, an universal Diamond Union of mankind. 

[Thereon all the Mousing Ladies, except one, with a 
simultaneous appalling shriek, vacate their imme- 
morial rookery and capital antique haunt in State 
Forest, and fly off in a rectilinear file at a rapid 
pace like a frightened covey. 

Novice. Here is yet one of the Hawking Ladies enchant- 
ed into apparent stone, by reason of the emotion of grief 



THE n&nt APPARENT. 91 

clogging the hitherto capital pendulum of her mad bigot will, 
and infiltrating her with turbid water and inevitable sedi- 
ment of lethargy and sloth. 

Alertia. I guess this is the chief of the Hawking Ladiep. 
Handle her gently ! 

Excelsior. Pity of her, 

Petrified by grief at loss of all her prestige I 
Alertia. Madam ! 

Chief Hawking Lady. I'll make no terms with conquerors 
Who've took away my husbands. 

Excelsior. That's the "Wizards of Bigoted Devices of end- 
less impoverishing rent and taxation, preventing God's own 
enlightened kingdom, the original Paradise of the Lord. 

Alertia. Help remove the cobwebbed spider-like creature 
Out in the rapturous free open air. 

[They put their arms round the Chief Hawking 
Lady to remove her, when she screams frantically 
in opposition. 

[Enter General Statewright.] 
Gen. Shipwright. Let her remain. 

She's evidently enchanted with the place. 
The Sovereigns have decreed by unanimous vote 
This Chateaux for a Rapturous University. 
Rapt. Sovereigns. Good ! 

Gen. Shipwright. The Hawking Lady, here, will do to 
fill qxiite a respectable niche in the museum. 
Rapt. Sovereigns. Good ! Good ! 

[Frightened at this threatened desecration, the chief 
of the Hawking Ladies starts to her feet, and 
strides in a direct bee line for the door, and van- 
ishes the same moment. 
[Exeunt Alertia, Excelsior, Shipwright, and Rap- 
tured Sovereigns. 



92 excelsior: ob, 



CHAPTER II. 

Enter Lieutenant Alertia, Captain Excelsior, General Ship- 
wright, Novice and Raptured Sovereign Citizens, succeed- 
ed by First Honorary Civil Minister or Governor, and 
First Honorary Comptroller. 

1st Rapt. Sovereign. No naore charters granted to Stake- 
nets. 

Alertia. Ay, Raptured Sovereign voters of state and city, 
you may be sure of it. 

Excelsior. Homesteads and lots exempt from taxes and 
all levies whatever are God's Enlightened Savings Banks, im- 
measurably ahead of the miserly Savings Banks of Pharisaic 
Shop. 

[Enter Glorious Masses of the Sovereign People, 
now citizens of Heaven on Earth, and sing the fol- 
lowing 

SONG. 

Hurrah, the Enlightened Savings Banks, 
Homesteads and lots, 
Gardens and raptured spots, 
Of beauty ravishing paradise, 

The crystal likeness of the azure skies ; 
The crystal likeness of the azure, azure skies. 
Gen. Shipwright. "Where now is Pharisaic shop ? How 
does it appear, that legislated God out of his own ship ; that 
invoked God to witness in the beginning of innumerable 
law-suits, while it would by no means elevate Enlightened 
Law, that in great measure puts the State right at the start, 
after pattern type of God's heaven ? The People who had 
thrown themselves away by looking to Pharisaic shops, now 



THE HEIR APPARENT. 93 

raptured like the magnetic heavens, by Enlightened Law 
and Government ; every man sovereign in his ov^n sphere, 
with more enlightened legal privilege than monarch on his 
throne, the antipodes of God, and like the Juggernaut of 
the people deluded by such bloated exhibition. 

Royalty is glorious enlightened vote ; 
Royalty is every man's natural right, 
Who'll look to Enlightened Law and Government, 
And drop sophistical representatives, 
And odious hags and wives of state. 

[Enter the Mousing Ladies, now become Honorable 
Directors of the Enlightened Court of the County. 
They bow to the Sovereign Enlightened Citi?!ens, 
who boW in return, and severally make an address 
embodying their recantation and renunciation of 
impoverishing inventions of endless rent and taxa- 
tion. 
1st Honorable Director. Raptured Sovereigns of State 
and City, be pleased to hear our justification. 

2c? Honorable Director. Certainly 1 Enlightened govern- 
ment comprehends universal forgiveness for the past, and en- 
lightenment, rapture and perfection by all expedient means, 
for all the future. 

1st Honorable Director. We knew no better, Raptured 
Sovereigns ! 
We were deluded like the world else. 
Till General Statewright showed the Enlightened Law 
And Government, rapturing mankind entirely 
To sphere of happiness, heaven, unity ; 
Perfection wrought by vital arm of Deity. 

2d Honorable Director. The hitherto capital creatures of 
Dictators, 
Incalculable the mischief that we did, 



94 excelsior; on, 

City and State made haggard as the moon 
Upon a night of squalls and cloudy turmoil ; 
Shipwrecking mariners and strewing shores 
Wi th carcasses, the plagued and sad result 
Of inventions, unexpectedly tripping up. 

1st Honorable Director. The memory of them perish 1 
Historians of the now United Sovereign People record them 
merely for a warning in enlightened eternity of the future. 
Would the victims could be recalled to enjoy with the world 
and ourselves the rapturous inauguration of millennium, 
Heaven on Earth, God's all replenished kingdom, Diamond 
United States. 

2d Ho7ioro.ble Director. "We've changed our name and 
designation, 
In correspondence with the enlightened will 
Of the Universal Sovereign People, henceforth 
To accomplish perfect Justice, at the start. 
Directors of Enlightened Court of the County, 
For Enlightened Law inaugurating imity, 
Immeasurable, rapturous, social brotherhood, 
As heaven's enlightened diamond-like arch. 

[The United Sovereigns, the more or less opulent citizens, 
in enlightened meeting assembled, sing the fol- 
lowing 

SONG. 

Hurrah, hurrah ! 

The Enlightened Law ! 

G-lorious government of the whole 1 

God's own diamond rule ! 

Glorious, glorious, glorious governmenf of the whole 1 

Voted by acclamation ; 

Rapturing mankind universal; 



THE HEIR APPARENT. 95 

And ignoble tyrants even 
Changing to Archangel shapes of heaven. 

CHORUS. 

Hurrah, hurrah ! 
The Enlightened Law ! 
Glorious government of the whole ! 
Glorious, glorious, glorious government; heaven's own rule I 

Excelsior. The Despotic State Dictators have emigrated 
to parts unknown. 

1st Rapt. Sov. Horror, like wintry rigor, is broke up. 

2c? Rapt. Sov. Who saw them go ? 

Excelsior. No one ! They fled like wild-foAvl in the 
night. 

Alertia. But the fact is patent as day, they are gone, and 
the atmosphere has been redolent like heaven ever since. 

jSovice. So usurping creatures as the State Dictators 
Rivers of Africa ne'er produced the match of 

Excelsior. Nor upbraid, nor murmur, sir ; but give them up 
To natural oblivion like night, 
Or plagues of ages long ago forgotten. 

Alertia. No more bigoted masses. No end to enlightened 
sovereigns, citizens of Heaven on Earth, in Diamond Repub- 
lic, and universal Raptured United States. 

[Enter the expatriated citizens, hitherto the worthy, 
but unfortunate victims of bigoted devices whose 
natural tendency is to trip up the citizens. 

1st Returned Exile. We the hitherto thousands of Exiles 
and Expatriated citizens, on account of crafty and tyrannous 
state inventions of Pharisaic shop, tripping up Avith the aid 
of the Ladies of the State Chateaux, withering reckoning 
conjurors; antipodes of Nature's Perfect, Enlightened, 
Magnetic, Omnipresent Creator; the political opponents of 



96 EXCELSIOR ; OB, 

diamond-like Enlightened Law, accomplishing Enlightened 
Government at the same time, both inaugurating God's 
Heavenly Kingdom, and Mankind's transcendent Diamond 
Union, and rapturous united Brotherhood. 

2d Returned Exile. Bless 1 Bless the enlightened day. 

[Enter Mr. Bigot disguised, and General Statewright, 
introducing to him Mr. and Mrs, Holyoake. 

Bigot. Who's the lady, much like to me, I do confess ? 

Excelsior. Your sister, Mr. Bigot, that you, whether in 
fury to execute righteousness according to your capital big- 
oted notions and corresponding inventions, or in rabid haste 
of covetousness to add to Bigot Manor, did turn into the 
street ; in fact, one of the victims to your alias execution 
and barbarous process of Pharisaic shop, gotten up against 
Slaughter House Tenements, whereby, besides you drove 
one desperate man to suicide, and harrowed the household 
gods of many other citizens, now all held to be sovereign in- 
violate by Enlightened Law, voted by loud hozannas and 
heavenly acclamations of all the citizens. 

Mrs. Holyoake. Brother, I do forgive you from my heart ; 
And offer you my cordial hand in token. 

Bigot. O why, such a bigot mad dog as I've been, was 
not fit in God's enlightened earth to draw breath ! 

Excelsior. Yet it was of such Pharisaic, rabid, apparent 
refined barbarians their modern state invention shops were 
made up. 

Gen. Shipwright. Infinite blight of trade and of population, 
speedily to be developed to an immeasurable prime in the 
rapturous summer atmosphere of Millennium. 

Bigot. deadly bigotry, and especially 
Bigoted ".ivention, even as bad as plague 
In blighting and destroying population, 



THE HIIIB APPARENT. Q7 

And its hand-maiden, trade ! Too late my sight 
Is opened ! 0, I'm a miserable creature 1 

[Sudden darkness overclouds the landscape, when in 
the weird storm the unhappy man beholds the spec- 
tre forms of women with dripping garments ; and 
forms of mothers carrying their dying children. 

Lo, two wretched trains of women, and a 
deplorable heap of pale children, who do lay their ruin and 
affliction to me. ! 

Mrs. Holyoake. Heart, dear brother 
Bigot. Wo is me, I'm drove to madness, 
In view of my immeasurable wailing victims I 
Oh! 

[Immediately upon that Patron Bigot dashes off, 
moaning distressingly, and at the same time beat- 
ing his bosom, evidencing the symptoms of a per- 
son desperately depressed in his mind. His friends, 
Holyoake, Holyoake's wife, and several of the citi- 
zens exeunt, to offer the patient the soothing balm 
of condolence in his wild, unsettled and melancholy 
humor. 
[Enter an Old Fogy, introduced by Novice. 
Excelsior. Novice, lad, who's this bewildered gentleman ? 
Novice. The last of the old fogies, who has been going 
about asking for the old municipal coach. 

Old Fogy. I'm bewildered I Can this be the city where 
I was bred and born ? 

Excelsior. Ay, now, by Enlightened Law, 

Universe Metropolis, endless raptured city. 
Hitherto like a swill milk cow. 
By impoverishing endless rent and tax inventions, 
Born of chaotic, mad, despotic bigotry. 
Author of thousand plagues that martyrize Nature 



98 excelsior; or, 

Old Fogy. How you get on without the old machinery I 
can't imagine. 

Excelsior. Chief ofifices now are honorary, sir, and univer- 
sal enlightenment, and sovereign rights granted by Enlight- 
ened Law, have almost anticipated the necessity of government. 

Old Fogy. Ha ! ha ! ha ! How do you manage now in 
the matter of streets ? 

Excelsior. Why, sir, for that, the city Architects have 
submitted, gratis, to the Honorable Municipal Council of the 
Sovereign People, enlightened plans for innumerable Parks 
and Gardens in the suburbs. 

Old Fogy. I'm took by surprise ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! The 
old fogy state and municipal coaches, then, are undoubtedly 
laid aside ? 

Excelsior. Ay, sir, and already the hundreds of thousands 
of settlers in the respective suburbs have voted the plana 
that suit their enlightened fancy, and Paradise is restored. 

Old Fogy. So, so, so, so ! 

Excelsior. And never once Louis Napoleon had such pros- 
pect at "Versailles, as Sovereign New-Yorkers now severally 
have in innumerable suburb Parks and Gardens, interlaced 
with palace and cottage avenues, brought by railroads with- 
in easy distance of the city. 

1st Rapt. Sov. Hitherto the impoverished New York of 
Pharisaic shop, now the Raptured New York of Enlightened 
Law ; immeasurable, celestial metropolis of America ; with 
countless tonnage trade and commerce ; with suburbs like 
Paradise, and universal enlightened, united population. 

[Exeunt. 



THE HEIR APPARENT. 99 



CHAPTER III. 

A "bar-room. Tagrag and Bobtail at the counter drinking. 
Enter Hon. Welcome Despot. 

Despot. Tagrag, ho I 

Tagrag. Nay, Welcome Despot, excuse me. 

[Exit Tagrag. 
Despot. How circumstances have changed ! What, no- 
body knows me now ? I that was head of State, and have 
often cut off thousand heads in a day, fallen below nothing ! 
Thunder and lightning ! Bobtail ! 

Enter Bobtail. 
- Bobtail, ho ! 
Bobtail. I don't know you, sir ! 
Despot. Wretch, that I picked from the street ! 
Bobtail. Despot, advise you to drop your name ; depart to 
solitude ; recruit your reputation, or get rid of it by some 
means or another. 

Despot. Bobtail, shut up I Answer me, sir. 
Bobtail. Excuse me, I wouldn't be seen speaking to you. 

[Exit Bobtail. 
[Hon. Welcome Despot calls for a glass of brandy, 
and swallows it off at a draught, and finally drowns 
his chagrin with yet another and another. Imme- 
diately Despot, whether it be that he has come too 
near the red hot demon of a stove that warms the 
bar-room, or that he is seized with a fervid paroxysm 
of incipient fever, suddenly shrieks^ and uttering 
most heart-rending exclamations, runs frantically 
round the room. 



100 excelsior; or, 

Despot. I burn ! Help, ho 1 I burn ! I'm on fire I 
Help, ho 1 God, I'm consuming 1 I'm consuming, con- 
suming 1 

[Enter Alertia and Excelsior distributing Enlighten- 
ed Law Books. 
Alertia. But Humanity has grown to have a complete 
raptured foothold, and it matters little for Despot. 

Despot. God, will nothing put out the hideous flame 
that envelops me ! 

Alertia. Pity of Despot consuming away and every body 
else ravished by innumerable, raptured millennium. 

[Despot starts away under the insufferable torture. 
Excelsior. 0, indeed, 'tis true, he's in a fervid blaze. 
Despot. Horror wraps me entirely, 
Like Tartarus or the earth's heart ! 

Excelsior. His nostrils shoot forth flames of fire 1 
Alertia. Help, ho, water I Mr. Despot's on fire ! "Water, 
hoi 

Excelsior. his mouth represents a fiery oven 1 
Help ! help ! help I water, ho 1 

[Despot runs frantically round the room, phrenziedly 
clapping his hands on different parts of his body 
to extinguish a phosphorescent blaze that has seized 
him, and finally flies out at the door, followed by 
an excited crowd, hurrying to aid him with buckets 
and pitchers containing water. 



THE HEIR APPARENT. 101 



CHAPTEK IV. 



Scene. A marshy place ; a lake in the hack-ground, and, 

surrounding it, a shaggy forest. 
Enter Alertia, Excelsior, and Raptured Sovereigns, and Mr. 

and Mrs. Holyoake and others. 

Excelsior. Here separate, and seek him different ways. 
Hither anon return and make report. 

[Exeunt Mr, and Mrs. Holyoake, and others, formed 
in parties, to look up the missing gentleman, the 
Hon. Patron Bigot, who, in one of the frequent fits 
to which he is subject, has strolled away and lost 
himself. Enter General Shipwright and other 
Raptured Sovereigns. 
Excelsior. What's the news. General ? 
Gen. Shipwright. Universally ravishing as usual, since the 
elevation of Enlightened Law rapturing all the citizens entire- 
ly without robbing any, which at the same time accomplishes 
Enlightened Government, by ravishing the requisite serene 
conditions, inaugurating heaven on earth. 
Enter Novice breathless. 
Alertia. How now, cousin Novice ? 
Novice. 0, 1 have seen a sight would madden Gorgon ; 
Or sapientest lucubrating head in the world. 
Alertia. What ? what ? what ? 
Novice. Mr. Welcome Despot's become a flambeau I 
All. A flambeau ? How ? 

Novice . Wrapt like a torch in fire from head to foot 1 
Alertia. Despot consuming ? What, the fire that seized 
him not yet put out ? 

Novice. Yea, Despot, that stereotyped state oppressor, 



102 excelsior; or, 

who drove men to drunkards and unfortunate women to the 
street, having so long impregnated himself with liquors, has 
finally by some capital accident caught fire, and is in rapid 
process of incandesence and consumption like a lighted 
candle, and all the skill of the physicians has been tried in 
vain to extinguish the terrible combustion that hath seized 
upon the tyrant's bloated body. 

Alertia. You do astonish us past measure, sir. 

Novice. Have you found Mr. Bigot ? 

Excelsior. No ; he hath strayed an awful distance away. 
Let's seek him. 

Alertia. Stop, what's that. 
Leant up against that mossy, wintry bank ? 

Excelsior. A dead body with its ghastly eyes 
Staring wide open, fixed in vacancy, 
As desert, or the bleak and stricken Arctic. 

Alertia. 'Tis Patron Bigot 1 

[They run up to the dead man. 

Excelsior. But frozen and dead ! 

Alertia. Fit end of Bigot ! 

Excelsior. 0, death he hath met 

[They stand round the body, frightfully stiffened in deatL 
Of immeasurable horror, the outcast's freezing fate ; 
Sad end, that in his hot and plagued bigotry, 
Like mad-dog snapping at his dearest friend, 
He almost made to o'ertake his sister, and 
Unfortunate brother-in-law, involved in whirlwind. 
That periodically roots up our tradesmen. 
Depending on the Wizards of Ill-luck, 
The assiduous Husbands of the Hawking Ladies. 

Alertia. Bigot, who by his unnatural blighting creed, 
And ungenial frigidity, still made 



THE HEIR APPARENT. 103 

> 

Poor neighborhood, unhappy withered state, 
Himself subject to sick and melancholy fancies. 
And black distempers working hurricane fury, 
And whipping him away spite of himself 
Into the shaggy woods and wilderness. 
Has approached the verge of vacancy too near 
And suffered the irreparable mortal change. 

[Re-nter Mr. and Mrs. Holyoake, and others.] 
Holyoake. 0, we have sought him everywhere, but no- 
where yet have our eyes had the good hap to alight upon 
him ! Being he is not to be found on earth, fear makes us 
to suspect that the absorbing waters, with their black-green- 
ish and liquid mantle, may cover him ; fraught with un- 
thought-of treachery; eager to clutch their victim in their 
ravenous under-currents, or in inextricable embrace of 
vortex. 

When the fit is upon him, he is unbridled ; yea, 
hath no more control of himself than a man who hath shot 
up in a balloon hanging on to the bare ropes, and without a 
fraction of an insect's power over the boundless monster that 
has flown with him away into immeasurable depths of hor- 
ror, vacuum and suspense. 

Excehior. Friends, there's Mr. Bigot's ghastly clay. 
Winged his soul to regions on high ! 

[The "Raptured Sovereigns remove the snow shroud 
partially covering the corpse. The relations gaze 
a minute in stupor and petrifying grief; then all 
form a tressel of the felled boughs laying about, 
and shouldering the corpse of the State Dictator, 
exeunt toward Holyoake's cottage. 
Alertia. Whence are these shrieks that create shuddering 
horror 
Like unnatural spirit of murder liberated ? 



104 exgelsioe; oe, 

[Enter Hon, Welcome Despot, at a rushing pace, his 
clothes burnt off his blackened body, that blazes 
furiously, like a torch of pitch pine, emitting an un- 
earthly phosphorescent glare, enough to frighten 
Erebus, or native regions of terror. 
Despot. 0- horror I 

Nor snow, nor water, nor yet heap of ice. 
Will assuage the cruel fire that devours me ! 

Alertia. Lamentably witness, friends, how true it is, 
That curses turn like serpents on their authors ! 

Excelsior. spectacle shocking Pluto, even himself 1 
Despot. horror ! horror ! 
I'm tortured worse than corrupt spirits of Tartarus. 

Alertia. Despot himself is fallen under 
A fiery tyranny, kindred to that he maintained I 

Despot. Will this never be over with ? 
Will never Death come to my kind relief ? 

[Thereupon they pour water over the victim of spon- 
taneous combustion. 
Vain is your charitable application I 
I am on fire in every separate particle 
Of my extraordinary tortured body. 

Excelsior. 0, pity of you, sir 1 

Despot. 0, I do suffer like the damned, an unrelenting 
furnace oppression ! 

Excelsior. Sir, dear sir, what we can do, we shall cheer- 
fully. 

Despot. I am devoured by a fire that not all Neptune with 
the aid of Pluvius can subdue ! 

Excelsior. Can we do nothing ? 

Despot. I, unmitigated Despot, 
Left without subject, necessarily fall 



THE HEIR APPARENT. 105 

To prey upon myself like incarcerated fire 
Within a furnace. Nothing you can do 
Towards the mitigation of the flame, 
Kapidly consuming me ! Oh 1 oh ! oh ! oh ! 

[Utters piercing cries and shrieks, indicating awful 
torment. Alertia, Excelsior, and others assiduously 
pour water on his limbs, and wrap his body m drip- 
ping coverings, renewed every few moments. 

0, horror ! 0, horror ! 

I'm wrapt in flame, even my vitals consuming. 

Excelsior. shockingest, thirsty, most unheard of fire, 
That water will not slake 1 

Despot. Kill me, friends ! horror ! I do lay 
In fire and exquisite misery of Tartarus ! 
'Tis hell unparalleled in the plagued earth ! 
Kill me, kill me, friends ! 

All. dear sir, woful I woful ! piteous ! piteous ! 

Despot. I am tied to 
A yoke of fire ! Too, too insufferable, e'en 
For tyrant, despot, as I've been ! horror ! 
Unbearable, horrible, dreadful, dreadful fire ! 

[Exits running, followed by the rest, writhing iu 
horrible fury by reason of the insufferable torture 
he experiences ; the friction of the air, fanning the 
flames, till he appears in vivid combustion like a 
meteor, scattering behind him a train of horrible 
coruscation. 

[Anon returns the suffering and frantic victim of 
spontaneous combustion, and, uttering a final shriek 
of torment, falls headlong, and crumbles to frag- 
ments like dry mummy, and rapidly consumes with 
a fierce flame into ashes. 



106 excelsior; or 

[Re-enter Alertia, Excelsior, rejoined by the friMdH 
of Despot who had started after him. 
Alertia. Lo, witness the sad end of 
Unhappy Despot I 

Excelsior. 0, true, indeed 1 
horrible death 1 Consumed himself is Despot, 
Who laid heavy oppression on the masses. 

Alertia. And throve amazingly like Pharisee, 
And capital creature of their hypocrite, impoverishing state 
invention. 
Gen. Shipwright. A cinder, and mere black and shriv- 
elled remnant is all that's left of the great State Dictator. 

Alertia. Solitude, and loss of power, and plunder. 
And public offices, preyed upon his spirits 
That he drunk deep, till impregnated like gunpowder 
With volatile elements of combustion. 
He caught fire by untoward accident 
With what deplorable result you see. 

Gen. Shipwright. Gather we up the incinerated remains; 
Convey them home. [Exeunt. 

[Enter Slievegammon, with the air of a desperate 
man, wild, excited and haggard as the battling 
cape far projected into the stormy and plunging 
depths of a hopeless gulf or abyss. 
Slievegammon. Hellgate 

Is down ; Slievegammon, consequently, used up ! 
Yet I do know of immediate antidote 
For desperate condition. Ha, ha, ha ! 

[Pulls forth pistol and claps it to Ms eftr. 
[Enter Confidence Cropps.] 
Confidence Cropps. Don't, Mr. Slievegammon, don't I 
Think of your capital life I Don't, President I 



THE HEIR APPARENT, 107 

Slievegammon. Life ! What of it ? 
Hellgate's used up 1 

Confidence Cropps. But ready capital, ingenuity, isn't I 

Slievegammon. And I, hitherto, great Fisherman of State 
Become food for the fish 1 Debasing thought, 
That drives me sheer beside myself I 

Confidence Cropps. Don't, don't, Mr. President Sliever 
gammon I Don't, sir, don't ! 

[Cropps endeavors to grasp the pistol away. 

Slievegammon. Good bye, Confidence I 0, how certainly 
The first false step betrays to open ruin ! 

[Mr, Slievegammon fires pistol and falls dead. Con- 
fidence Cropps, wounded mortally by the same 
bullet, falls across the corpse of Slievegammon and 
expires at the same moment, 

[Ke-enter Alertia, Excelsior, and other Sovereigns.] 

Alertia. More grief for the living ! Here's yet another 
tragedy ! 

Excelsior. How pitiable in contempt of heaven's bounty 
And goodness, men should make such wanton shipwrecks I 

Alertia. 0, too late are we to avert 
The furious, desperate hand of the suicide. 
Mortally aggravated, like scorpion. 

Gen. Skiptoright. Friends, pray look we about for fallen 
limbs or prostrate branches, to form a tressel withal, to convey 
to their afiBlicted families the bodies of the unhappy sufferers. 

[Exeunt Raptured Sovereigns. 

Excelsior. How all these are going who did plague the 
times past with pestilent and deadly devices of despotic 
bigotry ! 

Alertia. No more, now, they may happen; 



108 bxcelsiok; or, 

Henceforth, the atmosphere, pure like heaven's ether, 
Kaptured ahode of man for all the future. 

[Re-enter Raptured Sovereigns.] 
1st Rapt. Sov. Up with their corpses on the make-shift 
bier; 
And, to their startled, sorrow-stricken homes, 
Take them with all dispatch, yet delicacy. I 

[Exeunt 



THE END. 



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